wedding toasts to the bride and groom

Wedding Toast Mistakes To Avoid
Here are a few pitfalls you are going to want to avoid in order to deliver a toast that keeps everyone happy and leaves a mark on the crowd.

Here are a few pitfalls you are going to want to avoid in order to deliver a toast that keeps everyone happy and leaves a mark on the crowd.

Toasts at a wedding can run the gamut. While not all speeches need to be memorable, the amazing ones and the terrible ones always stand out. If you’re tasked with toasting at the wedding of one of your closest friends or relatives, you might feel nervous. For one, talking in front of a large group of people might feel intimidating. Beyond this, there are many pitfalls you are going to want to avoid in order to deliver a toast that keeps everyone happy. Though there is no simple secret to a successful speech, there are bits of advice worth following. 

Take a look at these common toast mistakes to avoid. By reviewing these basic flubs, you’re giving yourself plenty of room to make better choices. 

No One Gets the Joke 

There are very good reasons why a wedding toast can be difficult to nail. You’re likely giving this speech because you are incredibly close with one or both of the people getting married. This means you also probably have infinite inside jokes you share together. While one or two clever jokes throughout the speech might be subtle enough to land in the right way, overstuffing your toast with super-specific references can be an easy way to bore the entire crowd in a matter of seconds. 

Your speech should be personal, of course, but it also needs to have a bit of generality to it. Talk more about why you love the couple rather than ramble on and on about specific experiences you have had together. Save that kind of information for your card or for the after-party. When you avoid inside jokes and other specific references, you’re allowing the entire group of people assembled the chance to actually engage with what you’re saying instead of daydream about what dinner will look like. 

Stay Sober

Here’s the thing: You really want to moderate your drinking before your toast. This can be really trying for some, as the idea of giving a speech might send them straight to the bar for a shot to calm the nerves. A drink or two might help, but an open bar at a wedding is an easy path to becoming inebriated far earlier than you would normally. Before you know it, you’re drunkenly going on and on in front of the whole wedding about an embarrassing story that no one wants to remember. 

Losing your inhibitions isn’t a good look before a speech, especially at a wedding. The beauty of staying on the sober side before the speech is that the toasts generally happen early in the night. You’ll still have plenty of time to hit the bar and drunkenly shake it to some tunes with all your friends. All you need to do is make sure you’re not slurring out your toast, and you’re in a better position than plenty of people who have had to do this task in the past. 

Keep It Short

You also need to make sure you keep your speech concise. Five minutes should be the maximum amount of time you hold the attention of the crowd. Longer than that and even the most patient people will start to feel restless. Keep the speech moving with humor and sweet remarks, and you can easily leave the crowd wanting more.

Giving a toast can take a lot out of you. While you don’t need to be perfect, you definitely want to do right by the happy couple. As long as you make it a point to stay sober, keep your speech as short as possible, and make the whole toast general enough for everyone to appreciate, you will be able to deliver a message that people talk about throughout the night for all the right reasons.

How to Give a Great Wedding Toast

Bride and groom toasting with champagne and guests

It is a privilege to be asked to give a wedding toast. The honor can also be scary; many people get uncomfortable speaking in front of an audience. Never fear – there are a number of things you can to do to prepare for your moment in the spotlight.

Don’t Wing Your Wedding Toast

Even accomplished public speakers shouldn’t try to speak off-the-cuff. A wedding toast is important. You don’t want to come across as putting zero thought into it or end up fumbling around for something meaningful to say. Advance preparation can also help build self-confidence.

You may want to start off with a “top 10” list or a romantic line from a popular song as a warm-up. This may settle your nerves, get any frogs out of your throat, and give guests an opportunity to quiet down before you launch into the more personal part of the toast.

Try Not to Use Notecards

While preparation is essential, try not to read things directly off index cards or a piece of paper. Practice what you plan to say out loud ahead of time. Reciting your speech to a mirror or a small group of friends who are not attending the wedding may be helpful. Do it more than once. This will help identify the spots where you may stumble over your words and give you time to work through them.

Comedy Can Be Dangerous

Unless you are a skilled stand-up comedian (and even then tread carefully), think twice about trying to incorporate jokes into your toast. Being funny is largely contingent on content and timing, and both can be tricky. If things fall flat, it can really throw you off. Humor can also be misunderstood and sound mean; remember, you are toasting the couple and not roasting them.

Watch the Alcohol Beforehand

If having a drink helps calm your nerves, go ahead. However, you don’t want to overdo it and end up looking foolish. Remember that your words will probably be recorded, live on for all eternity, and may be posted on Facebook for the entire world to see.

Be Brief

Many etiquette experts say 5 to 10 minutes is the ideal length for a wedding toast. A really short one can seem insincere, and something too long becomes painful for the audience.

Speak to the Audience

Rather than locking eyes with the newlyweds the entire time, look out into the audience. Keeping constant visual contact with the subjects of your remarks may make them (or you) uncomfortable. If they begin to appear unhappy, you may become concerned and distracted. It can be easy to misinterpret expressions. For example, the bride may look disgruntled because her heels are really starting to hurt her feet, not because she doesn’t like what you are saying.

Don’t Fidget

Another tip is to try not to fidget. Sometimes people aren’t even aware they are doing it. Toasters are in luck because they get to hold a glass, which solves the problem of what to do with your hands. Feel free to walk around a little if it puts you more at ease than standing still.

Subjects to Skip

Some things are best left unsaid. You don’t want to make a bad impression or make anyone feel uncomfortable.

  • Tales about ex-girlfriends or boyfriends – keep the past in the past
  • Anything raunchy or mean-spirited
  • Lengthy stories – no matter how well you may know the story, it may be difficult for guests to follow what you are saying
  • Making it sound like your friend has died now that he or she is married
  • Don’t put anyone on the spot – no one likes this

Toasting the newly married couple is often one of the highlights of the wedding reception. These tips can assist you in crafting the perfect speech.