Speaking With Confidence: Tips for Wedding Readings and Toasts
While being asked to speak at a wedding can make many people nervous, a little preparation can give you a boost of confidence in your speaking role.
Your friends are getting married, and they’ve asked you to play an important part in their special day. Perhaps you’re one of the honor attendants or you’re giving a reading during the ceremony. The prospect of getting up and speaking in front of a bunch of people, even if they are friends and family, can make you feel anxious or even panicky. Fortunately, you can conquer your fears and give a great speech, reading, or toast by following some helpful advice.
Consider Your Content’s Structure
Whether you’re writing a toast or giving a ceremony reading, the structure of your content plays an important role in its delivery. The Knot’s Maggie Seaver suggests that toasts and speeches should be kept short and simple. Citing public speaking expert Jennifer Hester, Seaver describes a general format that you can follow: “Tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you’ve told them.” This formula keeps it simple and creates a clear beginning, middle, and ending in your speech.
Next comes the hard part: what to say. Huffington Post’s Kelsey Borresen shares useful recommendations from Simon Bucknall, author of “The Best Man Speaker: The Definitive Guide to the Best Man Speech.” Focus on positive personal attributes. Perhaps you admire your friend’s sense of humor, selfless generosity, or optimism during tough times. If you’re stuck for ideas, Bucknall suggests interviewing friends and family members. Don’t forget to take notes: You’ll need them later when you’re writing your speech. Also, stay away from touchy subjects or potentially offensive humor. The last thing you want to do is embarrass yourself or the couple when speaking publicly.
If you’re giving a ceremony reading, you’ll use a somewhat different approach. Wedding Wire’‘s Lindsay Pietroluongo stresses the importance of studying the reading text. Understanding its meaning is crucial: You’ll not only know what you’re saying, but you can also appropriately stress key words, phrases, or lines for emphasis.
Practicing Speaking Makes Perfect
Now that you have your content well in hand, practicing speaking is key to polishing your delivery. Brides’ Elizabeth Mitchell recommends frequent rehearsals to help yourself know your content, become familiar with the words, and fine-tune details such as speed and annunciation. The goal is not to eliminate your nervousness entirely, but to harness it and make it work for you. Non-verbal elements such as gestures and tone of voice make up a large part of how we communicate, so letting your emotions naturally come out makes your words come alive and your delivery more genuine.
As you rehearse your speech or reading, other tools and tips can aid in your preparation. Pietroluongo suggests practicing speaking in front of a mirror. Besides helping you remember to look up at your audience, you can also pay attention to your body language, facial expressions, and movement. Both Seaver and Mitchell recommend recording yourself and listening to the playback for filler words such as “um” and “uh,” excessive throat clearing, and other trouble spots. Also, consider rehearsing in front of a friend or family member you trust to provide honest feedback.
Don’t Forget Your Script
As confident as you may feel right before the big day, it’s still a good idea to bring written notes or a copy of the reading with you. This isn’t a poetry slam: No one’s expecting you to memorize. By making an outline or jotting down notes or photocopying your reading, you’ll give yourself some visual prompts and avoid either rambling or drawing a complete blank.
No matter whether you’ve spoken in front of a crowd once or a hundred times, it’s natural to feel nervous. Giving a ceremony reading, speech, or toast is an honor, and you want to do the best job possible. Remember to practice, mind your content, and above all, relax! You’ve got this. With preparation and a little confidence, you’ll do fine.
Wedding Toast Mistakes To Avoid
Here are a few pitfalls you are going to want to avoid in order to deliver a toast that keeps everyone happy and leaves a mark on the crowd.
Toasts at a wedding can run the gamut. While not all speeches need to be memorable, the amazing ones and the terrible ones always stand out. If you’re tasked with toasting at the wedding of one of your closest friends or relatives, you might feel nervous. For one, talking in front of a large group of people might feel intimidating. Beyond this, there are many pitfalls you are going to want to avoid in order to deliver a toast that keeps everyone happy. Though there is no simple secret to a successful speech, there are bits of advice worth following.
Take a look at these common toast mistakes to avoid. By reviewing these basic flubs, you’re giving yourself plenty of room to make better choices.
No One Gets the Joke
There are very good reasons why a wedding toast can be difficult to nail. You’re likely giving this speech because you are incredibly close with one or both of the people getting married. This means you also probably have infinite inside jokes you share together. While one or two clever jokes throughout the speech might be subtle enough to land in the right way, overstuffing your toast with super-specific references can be an easy way to bore the entire crowd in a matter of seconds.
Your speech should be personal, of course, but it also needs to have a bit of generality to it. Talk more about why you love the couple rather than ramble on and on about specific experiences you have had together. Save that kind of information for your card or for the after-party. When you avoid inside jokes and other specific references, you’re allowing the entire group of people assembled the chance to actually engage with what you’re saying instead of daydream about what dinner will look like.
Stay Sober
Here’s the thing: You really want to moderate your drinking before your toast. This can be really trying for some, as the idea of giving a speech might send them straight to the bar for a shot to calm the nerves. A drink or two might help, but an open bar at a wedding is an easy path to becoming inebriated far earlier than you would normally. Before you know it, you’re drunkenly going on and on in front of the whole wedding about an embarrassing story that no one wants to remember.
Losing your inhibitions isn’t a good look before a speech, especially at a wedding. The beauty of staying on the sober side before the speech is that the toasts generally happen early in the night. You’ll still have plenty of time to hit the bar and drunkenly shake it to some tunes with all your friends. All you need to do is make sure you’re not slurring out your toast, and you’re in a better position than plenty of people who have had to do this task in the past.
Keep It Short
You also need to make sure you keep your speech concise. Five minutes should be the maximum amount of time you hold the attention of the crowd. Longer than that and even the most patient people will start to feel restless. Keep the speech moving with humor and sweet remarks, and you can easily leave the crowd wanting more.
Giving a toast can take a lot out of you. While you don’t need to be perfect, you definitely want to do right by the happy couple. As long as you make it a point to stay sober, keep your speech as short as possible, and make the whole toast general enough for everyone to appreciate, you will be able to deliver a message that people talk about throughout the night for all the right reasons.
How to Give a Great Wedding Toast
It is a privilege to be asked to give a wedding toast. The honor can also be scary; many people get uncomfortable speaking in front of an audience. Never fear – there are a number of things you can to do to prepare for your moment in the spotlight.
Don’t Wing Your Wedding Toast
Even accomplished public speakers shouldn’t try to speak off-the-cuff. A wedding toast is important. You don’t want to come across as putting zero thought into it or end up fumbling around for something meaningful to say. Advance preparation can also help build self-confidence.
You may want to start off with a “top 10” list or a romantic line from a popular song as a warm-up. This may settle your nerves, get any frogs out of your throat, and give guests an opportunity to quiet down before you launch into the more personal part of the toast.
Try Not to Use Notecards
While preparation is essential, try not to read things directly off index cards or a piece of paper. Practice what you plan to say out loud ahead of time. Reciting your speech to a mirror or a small group of friends who are not attending the wedding may be helpful. Do it more than once. This will help identify the spots where you may stumble over your words and give you time to work through them.
Comedy Can Be Dangerous
Unless you are a skilled stand-up comedian (and even then tread carefully), think twice about trying to incorporate jokes into your toast. Being funny is largely contingent on content and timing, and both can be tricky. If things fall flat, it can really throw you off. Humor can also be misunderstood and sound mean; remember, you are toasting the couple and not roasting them.
Watch the Alcohol Beforehand
If having a drink helps calm your nerves, go ahead. However, you don’t want to overdo it and end up looking foolish. Remember that your words will probably be recorded, live on for all eternity, and may be posted on Facebook for the entire world to see.
Be Brief
Many etiquette experts say 5 to 10 minutes is the ideal length for a wedding toast. A really short one can seem insincere, and something too long becomes painful for the audience.
Speak to the Audience
Rather than locking eyes with the newlyweds the entire time, look out into the audience. Keeping constant visual contact with the subjects of your remarks may make them (or you) uncomfortable. If they begin to appear unhappy, you may become concerned and distracted. It can be easy to misinterpret expressions. For example, the bride may look disgruntled because her heels are really starting to hurt her feet, not because she doesn’t like what you are saying.
Don’t Fidget
Another tip is to try not to fidget. Sometimes people aren’t even aware they are doing it. Toasters are in luck because they get to hold a glass, which solves the problem of what to do with your hands. Feel free to walk around a little if it puts you more at ease than standing still.
Subjects to Skip
Some things are best left unsaid. You don’t want to make a bad impression or make anyone feel uncomfortable.
- Tales about ex-girlfriends or boyfriends – keep the past in the past
- Anything raunchy or mean-spirited
- Lengthy stories – no matter how well you may know the story, it may be difficult for guests to follow what you are saying
- Making it sound like your friend has died now that he or she is married
- Don’t put anyone on the spot – no one likes this
Toasting the newly married couple is often one of the highlights of the wedding reception. These tips can assist you in crafting the perfect speech.
