wedding invitation etiquette

Your No-Regrets Guide To Declining Wedding Invitations
Declining wedding invitations should be done with politeness and tact, so read on to discover how to send regrets without sacrificing your friendship.

Declining wedding invitations should be done with politeness and tact, so read on to discover how to send regrets without sacrificing your friendship.

After checking your mail, you find a beautifully decorated wedding invitation addressed to you. Or maybe you received the invite in your email. Yet you find yourself in a predicament. You can’t attend due to schedule conflicts, distance, or matters that take priority in your life. You need to let your friends know, but you don’t want to sound rude. How do you communicate your regrets with finesse? Read on to find out.

Reasons for Declining an Invite

You may naturally be concerned about hurting or offending your friends by not attending. As you’re mulling your decision, an August 2014 Brides article may offer some guidance. It’s important to weigh the impacts carefully when it comes to declining an invite from a close family member or friend. Of course, he or she will probably understand if you can’t attend a destination wedding due to travel or financial concerns. The same holds true if the wedding conflicts with events that you can’t cancel, such as a prepaid vacation or critical school and work obligations.

These are somewhat cut-and-dried situations, but it can get a little sticky if you’re considering opting out for other reasons. For instance, you may wish to steer clear of a volatile ex or an abusive family member. It’s easy to feel obligated to attend in these cases, but you should offer regrets if encountering those individuals would compromise your mental health.

How To Deliver the Regrets

Etiquette guidelines are good resources to follow. The Knot urges readers to fill out their RSVP cards and drop them in the mail as soon as possible. If you received an e-invitation, you should observe the couple’s guidelines. With the available wedding-related services and technologies, that means you can likely use their wedding website’s online RSVP feature.

At the same time, you need to use your best judgment when determining how to convey your regrets. The level of your relationship to the engaged couple should dictate your response. With a wedding of your closest loved ones, Brides suggests that you deliver your explanation in person if at all possible. This is especially true if you’re citing emotional issues as your reasons. The Knot recommends including a politely worded note with your RSVP or calling the couple. Wedding Wire’s Alice Prendergast echoes this advice, then adds that emails and texts are too impersonal to use in these cases.

No matter how you communicate the bad news, all experts agree that a simple and concise explanation is enough. In this way, you’ll avoid making the couple uncomfortable and casting a shadow on their special day. Venus Wong also emphasizes the importance of a timely response in her Refinery29 piece. It’s important to meet the couple’s RSVP deadline so you don’t add to their last-minute stress.

However, make sure you call or meet with them in person around the same time you send your regrets. Both Wong and The Knot recommend getting together with the couple either immediately before or after their wedding to spend some time with them. You’ll not only keep the friendship going, but you’ll also help them celebrate in your own way.

Don’t Forget To Follow Up

You’ve done your due diligence by getting in touch with the happy couple. Your next step now is to send them a gift. Prendergast stresses that what you select needn’t be expensive or fancy, but you can’t go wrong with items on their registry.

Turning down a wedding invite may not be an easy decision, but you can handle the situation with savoir faire. It’s wise to RSVP immediately and explain your regrets in a polite, concise way. Meanwhile, let them know you’re thinking of them. Their wedding may be a one-day event, but your relationship with them can last a lifetime.

Contemporary Wedding Etiquette

Wedding etiquette

It can sometimes be challenging to know the most gracious way to handle a wedding-related issue. To further complicate the situation, the rules keep changing. New issues that did not exist even a decade ago, such as when guests should post wedding pictures on social media, bring new questions. Referring to wedding etiquette guidelines is one way to help get your questions answered. There are a wide variety of places you can go for this type of information. Emily Post, who died in 1960, was considered a wedding etiquette guru, and her family continues the tradition today through the Emily Post Institute. They have published multiple books and also have an extensive website and blog. There are numerous other resources to assist you, such as weddingbells.ca, theknot.com, Martha Stewart and Real Simple magazine. Here are a few 21st century tips.

The Bride’s Family Is Not Required to Pick Up the Tab

Traditionally, the bride’s family has paid for the wedding and reception, but this is no longer the case. While they should have the opportunity if they want to be in charge, the groom’s family should also offer to help cover expenses. Another alternative is for couples to pay for things themselves. This has become more feasible since many people are choosing to marry later in life and are often financially secure. Second marriages are also common, and even the most generous of parents would probably think twice about paying for two weddings.

Ask Before Posting Photos on Social Media

Don’t rush to post pictures of someone else’s wedding on Facebook and other websites, especially during the nuptials. It is best to get permission from the newlyweds. They may want to do it first. Being distracted by social media may also prevent you from fully participating in the joy of the moment. Another pitfall of prematurely posting is you may be announcing the event to people who were not invited.

If you are taking pictures during the ceremony, it is important to be courteous of the couple, other guests and the official wedding photographer. While many brides and grooms understand people want to capture the moment, flashing cameras can be disruptive, and they won’t appreciate it if you get in the way of the individual they hired to take pictures.

Ontario wedding photographer Lainie Hanlon has had several recent experiences with guests obstructing her pictures because they were trying to take their own. She now suggests her clients consider an “unplugged” ceremony, which involves requesting that guests don’t shoot pictures or video during the nuptials. Some ways this message can be politely communicated are:

  • Enclosing a separate notice in the invitation envelope
  • Posting a message on your wedding website
  • Putting a sign out in front of the church before the ceremony

The Bride Does Not Have to Wear White

It is used to be practically mandatory for brides to choose white gowns, but times have changed. While the white wedding dress will always be in fashion, feel free to pick a different color and less conventional style. This approach may even be a better reflection of your personality. Wedding gowns often come with a considerable price mark-up; opting for something else may be more economical. The same rule applies to grooms and tuxedos; wearing suits or other apparel is becoming increasingly popular.

Double Duty Is Fine Wedding Etiquette

In an effort to be greener, and even cut costs, some couples are using wedding-related items for more than one purpose including:

  • Decorating the reception venue with flowers from the ceremony.
  • Purchasing elegant paperweights to hold down reception seating assignments that can also serve as party favors.

These four examples are only a few of the confusing situations you may encounter on the road to matrimony. If you are perplexed about what to do, never fear, there are numerous places to turn for guidance.