wedding gift etiquette

Gift Etiquette Basics for Your Wedding
When it comes to wedding gift-giving, there are many ways you can commit an accidental etiquette misstep, so knowing some basic guidelines can help.

When it comes to wedding gift-giving, there are many ways you can commit an accidental etiquette misstep, so knowing some basic guidelines can help.

Your upcoming wedding is a celebration. Sure, your ceremony carries with it importance and perhaps an air of dignity. Yet your reception is the time for your friends and family to make merry, and naturally, they may want to give you a gift. When it comes to wedding gifts, there are so many ways you can commit an accidental etiquette misstep. Knowing some basic guidelines can help you avoid embarrassment and offense.

Handling Gift Registry Details

Before you receive your first gift, you’ll need to create a wedding registry or two. You have many options from which to choose, but Martha Stewart Weddings suggests limiting yourself to a couple of different providers. Also, your gift registries should be completed between two and six months before the big day. However you proceed, remember that registry information should never be printed on your invitations. Your inner circle can spread the details through word-of-mouth, and you can post them on your wedding website. Just make sure that you include a clickable link and list the specifics on another page deeper in your site.

Is Asking for Cash a No-No?

Experts have been divided on whether asking or registering for cash is an acceptable practice. Thankfully, Anna Post from the Emily Post Institute offers some definite guidance. Registering for cash gifts is perfectly fine, but you should follow the same guidelines for publicizing it as you do for traditional registries. Let your family and friends spill the details, and be sure to have a standard registry as a backup. Not sure what to add to the alternate registry? Try some unique items you don’t already have, but offer a few low-cost gift options as well.

Brides writer Jaimie Mackey echoes the advice of never asking for cash on the invitation. She adds that you should be explicit about how you plan to use monetary gifts, whether it’s for a new home, a cross-country move, or your honeymoon. You can discuss these details on your wedding website if you wish. Don’t forget to provide a box for checks and gift cards at your reception, since some guests may bring these with them. Have a trusted individual check the box throughout the evening and securely store the contents to prevent theft.

Other Pitfalls To Avoid

You’ve followed all this great advice, but you’re still not home free. You’re probably not the type of couple that keeps score on gifts, but Wedding Wire Canada’s Diane Hall reminds readers that this is a major faux pas. After all, gifts aren’t an obligation, and The Knot sets the record straight on the “cover your plate” rule. On the flip side, you could encounter guests asking how much you’re spending per plate on your wedding to guide them in gift-giving. In those cases, you may need to deflect the question and stress that you value their company more.

While you’re at it, don’t neglect those all-important thank-you notes. Hall mentions that registry providers usually send you notifications when items have been purchased. You’ll want to send out your notes within three weeks of receiving each gift. For presents given to you on the big day, you should send out your notes within three months.

Don’t Proceed Without a Plan

Wedding gifts are a way for guests to show their affection and care for a happy couple. If you’re the ones tying the knot, graciousness and discretion are your best friends. First, count on your closest family and friends to let others know about your registry. Don’t be afraid to register for cash, but include some physical goods to provide your guests with alternatives. Finally, send out your thank-you notes in a timely manner. These tips should help you navigate the world of wedding gifts before and after the big day.

Contemporary Wedding Etiquette

Wedding etiquette

It can sometimes be challenging to know the most gracious way to handle a wedding-related issue. To further complicate the situation, the rules keep changing. New issues that did not exist even a decade ago, such as when guests should post wedding pictures on social media, bring new questions. Referring to wedding etiquette guidelines is one way to help get your questions answered. There are a wide variety of places you can go for this type of information. Emily Post, who died in 1960, was considered a wedding etiquette guru, and her family continues the tradition today through the Emily Post Institute. They have published multiple books and also have an extensive website and blog. There are numerous other resources to assist you, such as weddingbells.ca, theknot.com, Martha Stewart and Real Simple magazine. Here are a few 21st century tips.

The Bride’s Family Is Not Required to Pick Up the Tab

Traditionally, the bride’s family has paid for the wedding and reception, but this is no longer the case. While they should have the opportunity if they want to be in charge, the groom’s family should also offer to help cover expenses. Another alternative is for couples to pay for things themselves. This has become more feasible since many people are choosing to marry later in life and are often financially secure. Second marriages are also common, and even the most generous of parents would probably think twice about paying for two weddings.

Ask Before Posting Photos on Social Media

Don’t rush to post pictures of someone else’s wedding on Facebook and other websites, especially during the nuptials. It is best to get permission from the newlyweds. They may want to do it first. Being distracted by social media may also prevent you from fully participating in the joy of the moment. Another pitfall of prematurely posting is you may be announcing the event to people who were not invited.

If you are taking pictures during the ceremony, it is important to be courteous of the couple, other guests and the official wedding photographer. While many brides and grooms understand people want to capture the moment, flashing cameras can be disruptive, and they won’t appreciate it if you get in the way of the individual they hired to take pictures.

Ontario wedding photographer Lainie Hanlon has had several recent experiences with guests obstructing her pictures because they were trying to take their own. She now suggests her clients consider an “unplugged” ceremony, which involves requesting that guests don’t shoot pictures or video during the nuptials. Some ways this message can be politely communicated are:

  • Enclosing a separate notice in the invitation envelope
  • Posting a message on your wedding website
  • Putting a sign out in front of the church before the ceremony

The Bride Does Not Have to Wear White

It is used to be practically mandatory for brides to choose white gowns, but times have changed. While the white wedding dress will always be in fashion, feel free to pick a different color and less conventional style. This approach may even be a better reflection of your personality. Wedding gowns often come with a considerable price mark-up; opting for something else may be more economical. The same rule applies to grooms and tuxedos; wearing suits or other apparel is becoming increasingly popular.

Double Duty Is Fine Wedding Etiquette

In an effort to be greener, and even cut costs, some couples are using wedding-related items for more than one purpose including:

  • Decorating the reception venue with flowers from the ceremony.
  • Purchasing elegant paperweights to hold down reception seating assignments that can also serve as party favors.

These four examples are only a few of the confusing situations you may encounter on the road to matrimony. If you are perplexed about what to do, never fear, there are numerous places to turn for guidance.