Universal Life Church

The Art of the Thank You Note

Eco-friendly weddings are on trend. Sending digital invites and using a website to provide information about your wedding is a great way to save time and paper. If you’re considering sending digital thank you notes, consider these reasons for handwriting your thank you notes.

Handwritten Notes Are More Personal

Setting words on paper takes time. It’s very easy to dash off a text or email. When you sit down to write thank you notes, it’s an investment in your time and emotions. You may have to think about what to write before you set it in ink. Handwritten notes are often more authentic and thoughtful than digital notes. The recipient will know you cared enough to take time out of your busy schedule to write a note.

Everyone Loves To Get Mail

When you send and mail a handwritten note, it stands out. Who doesn’t like to find something special in the mailbox? Think about how many emails or texts you get each day. How many of those do you really remember and save? Many people keep handwritten notes and cards for months, even years. A wedding thank you note is about more than just the gift. You can thank someone for showing up and supporting your relationship or for being there during your life. Reading those words may be just what the recipient needs to hear.

Handwritten Notes Show Gratitude

When you send digital missives, it’s easy to rewrite the note until you get it just right. When writing thank you notes by hand, you either get it right the first time or start over on a new card. After a while, that could be expensive. Handwritten notes can share your gratitude more authentically than digital notes.

Know Who Gets Thank You Notes

Every guest who showed up for your wedding should get a thank you note, whether or not they brought a present. You should also send thank you notes for each gift received at other wedding parties, like for your engagement or wedding shower. Even with smaller weddings, you want to keep up with those notes so you aren’t overwhelmed after the wedding.

Tips To Keep Up With a Mountain of Thank You Notes

You may have 100 or more thank-you notes to write after the wedding and honeymoon. You may be ready to be done with wedding planning and move on. The key to tackling this final task is to plan ahead. Start by ordering thank you notes when you order your invitations, even if you use digital invites. 

Discuss thank you notes with your future spouse when you start planning your wedding. Ensure you’re both on the same page with how you plan to handle the notes. Buy stamps. Make address return labels. Track home addresses as you get gifts from your friends and family. This will make the job of writing notes much more manageable.

Have a page in your wedding planning notebook for people who need thank-you notes. Instead of waiting until after the wedding, write notes as you receive gifts. You can wait to mail them after the wedding. If you spend a half hour each week writing a couple of notes, it will dramatically reduce your time when you get home from your honeymoon.

Don’t Procrastinate 

Plan an evening after the honeymoon when you and your partner will sit down and plow through the rest of your thank you notes. Maybe you can ask one or two friends to help you with the notes and to keep you accountable. Your friends and family will think you’re organized and on top of things when they receive handwritten thank-you notes.

Wedding Attire for Second Marriages

Many people have strong ideas about what their wedding day will look like. Details such as the venue, members of the wedding party, and the cake are critical and require early coordination and decision-making. This is also true for your attire. This is one of the most important events in a person’s life, and most Canadians want to recall the day fondly.

People marrying for a second (or third) time often have a different perspective on their nuptials this time around. Because you’ve walked down the aisle before, your thoughts on certain details may have changed between now and then. What might’ve been important the first time around may not matter as much. Still, it’s important that you’re able to look back on your second wedding day positively. Here are some thoughts about how you can show up for your next nuptials.

White Is All Right

In many cultures, white is a color that tends to be associated with weddings, especially as a bridal gown and sometimes as a groom’s tuxedo. In many societies, white is associated with concepts of purity and innocence, but that doesn’t mean you can’t wear it again. Your second nuptials should be everything you and your partner dream about. If that includes wearing white, wear your white and wear it well! White is a great color when it comes to comfort, practicality, and versatility. It works with almost any color or theme, and it never goes out of style.

Do You, Your Hue

Of course, if you want to ditch the white, that’s fine too. Some people associate it with doing something for the very first time. If you want to go a different way, now’s the time. Do you have a favorite color or a shade that works well with your skin? It’s your wedding and you can “throw a different shade.” Are you looking for inspiration? Think about when you’ll be tying the knot. The seasons or time of year are often good starting points for wedding apparel themes. Outdoor or daytime events lend themselves to off-white or pastel colors, but darker colors, jewel tones, and metallic shades will also work.

The Casual Approach To Attire

Whereas many weddings involve formal gowns and tuxedos, a second ceremony is a great opportunity to go casual. Prioritizing comfort over fashion is never the wrong move. Some reasons to ditch formal or semiformal wear include the following:

  • Smaller budget
  • Changes in body shape
  • More low-key or less formal ceremony
  • Outdoor event, particularly during the warmer months
  • Comfort as priority

Your commitment to marriage isn’t dictated by what you wear, so feel free to abandon formalness. 

The Attire Switch-Up

You may have found a bridal gown or tuxedo to be restricting the first time around. Even if you don’t go 100% casual, a second marriage ceremony is an ideal opportunity to turn traditional attire on its head. Instead of a white formal gown, you may consider a cocktail dress or pantsuit. You can also play with shape, opting for something asymmetrical or incorporating prints and patterns into your look. 

Similarly, a few accessory substitutions can also put a nice spin on the look of a suit. Consider ditching neckwear and substituting casual or fashion sneakers for patent-leather soft shoes. Instead of wearing three-piece suits, abandon the coat and just go with a vest and dress shirt on top. There are so many substitutions that work for first and second ceremonies alike.  

If love leads you down the aisle a second time, there’s no limit when it comes to your wedding outfit. Wear the colors, styles, and patterns that reflect who you are at this stage in life. Dress it up, dress it down. The only thing that matters is that this new ceremony is everything you and your spouse-to-be hoped for.

Maintaining A Strong Relationship as You Plan

Putting together the details of a wedding can add a lot of stress to your relationship. As you figure out the details of seating charts and attend endless meetings with vendors, you may find yourself taking out your frustrations on your significant other. To avoid souring your bond during this period, you must take active steps to keep your connection strong. By keeping a few important points in mind, you will have an easier time maintaining a healthy relationship from your engagement until long after you have tied the knot.  

Watch What You Say

One of the easiest ways to crack the foundation of a relationship is by complaining about your partner when he or she is not around. While everyone needs to vent now and again, doing so too much can start to enforce negative opinions about your significant other in your own mind. To break this habit, watch what you say to family and friends. Try to focus on your partner’s positive attributes instead of the ways that he or she has caused you frustration. By singing your love’s praises, you’ll remember why you fell in love in the first place. 

Find Time for Relationship Dates

Planning a wedding requires a good chunk of your free time. However, you still need to set aside time where the two of you can spend time together without the need to focus on event details. Having a date night each week is one of the best ways to keep your connection strong. There is no need to go out and spend a lot of money, either. Since you likely want to keep an eye on your budget, focus on ideas that won’t cost you much. Spending a night at home eating pizza and binging TV can be perfect. 

Show Your Love in Small Ways

Grand gestures are not needed to stoke the flames of love. In fact, most people are able to maintain their relationships by focusing on small actions. If your partner needs a dose of caffeine to start the day, make a pot of coffee before he or she wakes. Buy a little present out of the blue just to show you care. Take on household chores that you know your significant other hates to tackle. By putting effort into small gestures, you can strengthen the foundation of your relationship in a meaningful way. 

Be Sure To Listen In The Relationship

Though it might seem obvious, listening to your partner when he or she is speaking to you is crucial for the future of your relationship. Many people struggle with this because technology has made it easy to become distracted. If you’re having a conversation with your significant other, be sure to put down your phone and turn off the television. Rid the room of anything that might steal away your attention and put your full focus on what your partner has to say. The more you practice active listening, the easier it becomes to remember what has been discussed.

Celebrate Whenever Possible

Finally, make sure you take time to celebrate important moments in your relationship. Acknowledging important milestones and accomplishments can help to bring you closer together. Though your time and funds might be limited as you plan your wedding, setting aside a night to focus on all you have achieved is a wonderful way to bond. Whether you’ve had a great week at work or you’re approaching the anniversary of your first date, pop open a bottle of wine and give yourselves the opportunity to feel good about life together.  

While there’s no secret to maintaining a healthy relationship, there are many little ways to keep your connection strong during difficult times. Be sure to focus on each other as you move through the stress of planning your wedding, and be reminded of why you decided to take this step in the first place.

Tips for Hosting a Wonderful Rehearsal Dinner

When a couple has decided to marry, the wedding and reception are the main events that require the most planning, preparation, and coordination. The marriage ceremony and the following celebration are where you’ll make things official around your closest family and friends; however, there are other events that deserve your attention and consideration. One of these is the rehearsal dinner. This is usually a pre-wedding event where the engaged couple celebrates those who have helped with the wedding, including planners, in-laws, and others in your wedding party.

Exploring the Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner was a way for in-laws to meet before the wedding. This was also an opportunity for the couple to thank loved ones for their love and support. Typically, the wedding would be paid for by the bride’s family, and the groom’s family would plan and fund the rehearsal dinner. Today, these gatherings are often planned and paid for by the engaged couple. If you’re thinking about having one for your nuptials, consider these tips.

Choosing a Special Place Rehearsal

You may have several options when it comes to a venue for your rehearsal dinner. Some wedding venues also have facilities to host a dinner. If you haven’t picked a location, consider a place with special meaning to you as a couple. It could be the place where you first met or a restaurant where you had your first date. Choosing a place of significance to you or your family helps make the occasion all the more special for everyone involved.

Embracing a Theme Rehearsal

You’ve heard of themed weddings and receptions. Why not have a themed rehearsal dinner? A themed event gives you and your guests an opportunity to flex their creative muscles while also having some fun. Perhaps you and your partner compromised on a theme for the wedding. If so, the pre-wedding dinner could allow both of you to enjoy themes. You’re not just limited to decor but also attire, menu, and activities.

Opting for Brunch

In Canada and other parts of the West, brunch has become a fun social activity for people of all ages. It’s also a nice alternative to dinner. Do you have a favorite spot for brunch? Check to see if they host private parties or can seat large parties. Enjoy the company of your future spouse and in-laws over your favorite breakfast and non-breakfast bites and beverages. 

Taking It Easy

If your wedding will be grand, elaborate, and over the top, consider having a more laid-back gathering for loved ones. Feel free to go casual with the menu and save the fuss and muss for the big day. You could make your rehearsal dinner a “game night” where everyone plays group games or board games. The goal here is not to work too hard, especially the night before you say, “I do.”

Hitting the Town

If you’ve got friends and family coming from out of town, you could use your pre-wedding event as an opportunity to show them what your city has to offer. You don’t necessarily have to play tour guide, but as an experienced local, you can show them the hot spots as well as the hidden jewels. 

Having a Blast

Rehearsal dinners don’t necessarily have to be a meal. Consider an unconventional activity such as rock climbing, bowling, or playing miniature golf. These activities are fun for a group and provide a relaxed environment for people to meet and get to know each other a little better. This is also a good alternative to a bachelor or bachelorette party, which may not be everyone’s idea of a good time. 

When it’s time to tie the knot, there are other opportunities besides the wedding and reception to connect with your nearest and dearest. Rehearsal dinners are a great way to spend more time with the ones you love. Be creative and have fun!

How To Throw a Classic Canadian Garden Wedding 

Outdoor weddings are quite popular amongst couples who are looking to tie the knot during the warmer months of the year. Naturally, there are a number of different ways you can go about throwing this type of event. If you want to immerse yourself in the beauty of the outdoors while simultaneously giving your reception a posh feel, then a classic Canadian garden wedding can be a beautiful choice. Take a moment to review these tips and see how easy it is to put together a reception that you will adore. 

Select a Garden Location

The most important step when planning a garden wedding is selecting the right venue. There are some phenomenal options across Canada that work wonderfully for outdoor events. The VanDusen Botanical Gardens in Vancouver, British Columbia, is ideal for couples who want to wed amidst rare and beautiful flowers. Casa Loma in Toronto is another wonderful choice for garden weddings because the castle-like appearance of the venue lends itself perfectly to the aesthetic of a classy event. Another great spot to consider in Toronto is Graydon Hall Manor, which boasts a breathtaking garden.

Think About the Exact Date

After you have decided on the venue, it is a good idea to think about the exact date you plan on getting married. The time of year your event will be will greatly impact the aesthetic of your wedding. For example, throwing a garden wedding in the earlier part of spring means you will be surrounded by the first colorful blossoms that have burst from the ground and the branches. Do your research and see what flowers are most common during the time you plan on getting married. This can help you incorporate the right colors into your event’s decor. 

Get Creative With Attire

While there are many reasons to consider throwing a classic Canadian garden wedding, one of the most fun is that it offers the chance to get creative with what guests will wear. At a traditional garden wedding, you are likely to see people wear more colors and patterns than at an indoor event. At more polished affairs, it is common for women and men to don large hats that block the sun and enhance their outfits. Take a look at example images on sites like Pinterest to get a better feel for how creative you can get with clothing.

Plan Ahead for Garden Problems

Though there are plenty of perks that come with an outdoor wedding, there are also a number of downsides to take into consideration. For one, gardens tend to attract a variety of pests. Guests will have to deal with mosquitoes, bees, and all manner of flying nuisances. Make their lives a bit easier by offering eco-friendly bug spray as a “welcome to the wedding” gift. Another point to keep in mind is the weather. If the temperature will be high, be sure to offer water and hand fans. You must also have a contingency plan in the event of rain. 

Incorporate Unique Traditions

Another way to make the most of a garden wedding is by incorporating traditions that you would not have considered at other venues. If the venue permits, see if it is possible for you and your partner to plant something together. Whether you plant seeds for a specific flower or a sapling tree, the idea is that you can return to the location in the future and see how what you planted has grown alongside your relationship. This tradition also allows you and your partner to become a part of the history of the venue.

Enjoy the Outdoors

Throwing a classic Canadian garden wedding is a wonderful way to enjoy the beauty of nature on your big day. As long as you take your time to plan out the details, you will have no trouble throwing a colorful and enjoyable outdoor experience. 

About Engagement Shoots

After you’ve made the decision to get engaged, there are a bunch of steps you will need to take before you get married. Some of the earliest choices couples make are when and how to make the announcement. A more popular trend has been to schedule an engagement shoot. Couples can take a selection of photos that can be used as the image on a card or social media post. Before you book your photographer, take a look at these tips on what to expect and how to plan for the best possible experience.

Comfort Should Take Precedence

Typically, engagement photos are taken outdoors. There’s something about the bright, airy feeling created by natural lighting that works ideally for a romantic gesture like an engagement announcement. While being outside does offer a ton of options for captivating and dynamic shots, it also means that you will be dealing with all of the irritations of the outdoors. To enjoy your day, a top priority should be your comfort. 

Engagement In Style

It goes without saying you want to look your best for your photos. However, putting on an outfit that goes against the seasonal temperature, can easily become ruined by dirt is an easy way to turn a fun experience into a burden. There’s no need to suffer for this shoot, so be sure to find a way to blend style and comfort. 

Hire Experts for Hair and Makeup

Bringing a professional photographer on board is an easy decision for your shoot. To make the process even smoother, consider going a step farther and hiring experts for hair and makeup. When you’ve got people with experience handling your look, there are fewer items on your to-do list to stress over before the day arrives. Plus, this can be a fun way to test out options for your wedding hair and makeup needs. If you love the abilities of the people you use, then you can book them right away.

Have Fun With the Experience

There are going to be plenty of moments where you feel overwhelmed as you plan the details of your big day. The engagement shoot, on the other hand, is your chance to just relax and have some fun. There’s no pressure, only a chance to capture exactly how happy you are about this milestone moment. Many couples take things to the next level by turning the shoot into an entire day’s experience. Go out for breakfast together, take care of the shoot, then finish the night with a concert, fancy dinner, or drinks at a favorite bar.

Keep the Poses Simple

Engagement photos are formulaic for a reason. There’s no need to think too far outside of the box with this task, as it really is mainly to serve as a way of informing family and friends about the decision. This means that you’ll have an easier time by keeping your poses simple. If you ever feel stuck on what to do in a shot and your photographer isn’t doing the best job at instructing you, a quick kiss can make for the perfect content. Nothing creates a romantic vibe like a smooch!

Make a Engagement Checklist

Though there won’t be as many details to keep in mind as there will be for your wedding, a checklist can be a huge help when you’re planning out your photoshoot. From details about the shooting location to the time you need to meet your makeup team, having a list of all the things that need to be accomplished will make the entire experience less stressful. 

An engagement shoot is a wonderful way to get excited about your choice to tie the knot. As long as you give yourself a little time to prep in advance, you’ll be able to enjoy every minute of this fun task.

How To Plan a Wedding Without Alcohol

Traditionally, a wedding is an event where alcohol is readily available to guests. However, there are plenty of reasons to keep your big day free of liquor. Whether you or someone you love struggles with alcoholism or you simply don’t want the crowd to get out of control, you may be interested in having a dry celebration. Explore these tips and learn more about how you can throw a wedding without relying on alcohol. 

Reasons To Consider a Dry Wedding

If you’re on the fence about having a dry wedding, there are a few points to keep in mind about the decision. For one, statistics highlight that providing drinks to guests over the course of the event greatly increases the odds of someone getting injured during the festivities. What’s more, the laws in some areas state that you could be held legally responsible for any damage done to people or property as a result of overindulgence at your wedding. Other reasons to consider a dry wedding include your religion, personal beliefs, and budget. 

Informing the Crowd of No Alcohol

Since many people expect that drinks will be served at a wedding, you need to make your decision to have a dry event known as early as possible. The best and most straightforward way to achieve this is by noting the information on your invitations. If you’re worried about upsetting some of your guests with the news, phrase the message in a way that suggests you’re hosting a dry event because you want to throw a party that everyone will remember.  

It can also be a good idea to create a contingency plan in the event that guests sneak drinks into the venue or consume a lot of alcohol at a separate location before the reception. Work with the management team at your venue and arrange for employees to keep watch over the crowd and take note of anyone who might be sipping out of a flask or carrying bottles in their bags. 

Setting the Right Mood Without Alcohol

You definitely don’t need alcohol to have a good time at a party. All you have to do to make the crowd feel excited is set the right mood. To keep your guests in a festive spirit throughout the night, work with your DJ or band to create playlists that will get people up and dancing for hours. Try to avoid too many slow songs, as these are typically the moments when guests will go to the bar to get a new drink. You may also want to consider games and activities that will keep the crowd engaged. 

Offering a Delicious Selection

When you don’t have to worry about spending a ton of money on alcohol, you can free up space in your budget for other necessities like food. By providing a delicious selection of appetizers, entrees, and desserts to your guests, you will be able to give the crowd something positive to remember. Think outside the box to really impress your guests and explore off-beat ideas like hiring a local food truck to serve snacks. 

Exploring Alcohol-Free Drinks

Though you won’t be serving alcohol at your event, you can still explore the idea of having a bar that serves specialty drinks. Mocktails have become increasingly popular in recent years, as they provide the chance for guests to indulge in delicious concoctions without relying on liquor. If you’re having an outdoor event in the summer, for example, this is a perfect opportunity for a lemonade bar where you provide creative infusions like mint, raspberry, lavender, and blueberry. Guests will have the chance to quench their thirsts, feel refreshed, and get back to dancing.  

Though it might seem like alcohol is an integral component of weddings, this is far from the truth. If you feel more comfortable having a dry event, there are plenty of ways to ensure a good time is still had by all.

Alternatives To Religious Baptisms and Christenings

Baptisms and christenings are the traditional religious rituals to welcome a baby into the church. Although more people are leaning away from religious ceremonies, there is still a need to celebrate the birth of a child with a secular ritual. If you’re looking for a non-religious option for a baptism, you can create a ceremony that fits your beliefs. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Baby Blessing Ceremony

Pull in any elements of your choosing when you host a baby blessing ceremony. It could be an interfaith ceremony or a no-faith ceremony where you bring your friends and family together to meet your baby and welcome him or her into your community. Ask each guest to bring a special blessing to the baby, not a physical gift, but a hope or desire for the future or words of wisdom. You could create a memory box and light candles before having a meal together.

Naming Ceremony 

Naming ceremonies are parts of many cultures. With a bit of creativity, you can structure your ritual around your own culture and traditions, including elements that have meaning for your family. Use modern technology to make a video of good wishes that your child can revisit each year on birthdays. Ask an officiant to speak words of wisdom over the child or bring family members together to provide special blessings. Instead of a balloon release, which is bad for the environment, hold a bubble-blowing ceremony as a way to send your hopes for your child into the world.

Plant a Tree 

In many cultures, trees are planted at births and deaths to represent life and growth. Select a tree that is right for the growing zone and won’t get too large for the yard. Watching the tree grow as the child grows is a nice remembrance for parents and grandparents both. Dogwood trees represent loyalty and kindness. A gingko tree represents longevity. Maple trees symbolize intelligence and generosity. If you don’t have a yard where you can plant a tree, look for a small or dwarf variety that can be planted in a container or find a park where you can dedicate a tree.

Create a Time Capsule 

You could incorporate a time capsule into your blessing ceremony or make it on your own if you can’t bring your support system together. Ask each guest to bring something for your baby to commemorate the birth. You could include family photos, a newspaper from the day of the birth, stamps, coins or other gifts to be opened when the child reaches a significant birthday. Label the box and stash it away in a closet.

Alternatives to Godparents 

At one time, godparents would take over raising a child if the parents died. Today, godparents are more of a religious support system. There’s no reason to call them godparents. Humanists call these people “guideparents.” Some Unitarian churches call them Anam Cáirde, which means soul friends. You could refer to the person or persons you choose as a mentor or as an honorary aunt and uncle. The title itself isn’t as important as the relationship.

Create a Joyous Occasion 

A baptism isn’t a spectacle. It’s a meaningful ritual to welcome the baby. If you want to hold a non-religious alternative, you can still celebrate your child’s entrance into your life with a small party that has meaning for your family. Don’t think about going over the top. Think about how to personalize your ceremony for your child and your support system. Make the ceremony about the child instead of any religion. Bring meaning to your child’s birth by choosing the elements that have value for you and your family.

Help Someone Learn to Read

High School Student Studying in LibraryWith the technology and electronics available today, it’s hard to imagine that anyone could be illiterate. Sadly, many individuals around the world do not have basic access to educational and reading materials to help them improve their lives. The International Literacy Association estimates that about 12 percent of the global population, or about 781 million people, are functionally illiterate. The United Nations considers literacy a fundamental human right that is essential to social development. Education is one of the key factors in eliminating poverty, and literacy is a big step to education.

Isn’t the Problem Overseas?

Although the literacy problem is more pronounced in third world countries, Canada has a literacy problem of its own. The Canadian Literacy and Learning Network reports that about 42 percent of adults in the country between the ages of 18 and 65 do not have high literacy skills. One study shows that many Canadians aren’t keeping pace with the literacy skills needed for today’s technology. Just a 1 percent increase in the literacy rate would increase economic growth by about $18 billion annually. Investing in literacy has a high rate of return on investment, at 241 percent.

Here in Canada, the people most affected by illiteracy are:

  • People who experienced abuse or neglect when they were young
  • People who had their schooling interrupted by poverty or discrimination
  • Children with undiagnosed learning disabilities
  • Seniors who only received an elementary education
  • Aboriginal individuals
  • Immigrants who do not speak English or French as their main language

Learning To Read Is An Essential Life Skill

Literacy reaches beyond just reading. There are aspects of literacy in practically everything we do. From finding a doctor and making healthy lifestyle choices to taking the right bus to get to work, the need for reading skills are all around us. We have to make reading a priority from childhood into old age.

There are many reasons people do not get literacy help when they get behind in their skills. It might be fear, or low self-esteem or a lack of confidence. Sometimes, it’s simply poverty and not having the time to better oneself. It might even be a lack of resources and not having books to read.

The United Nations has designated September 8 as International Literacy Day. This year marks its 50th anniversary, and the theme for 2016 is “Reading the Past, Writing the Future.” Over the past 50 years, the number of young adults who don’t have literacy skills has decreased by 25 percent. UNESCO Director-General Irina Bokova stated in her message for ILD, “The world has changed since 1966 – but our determination to provide every woman and man with the skills, capacities and opportunities to become everything they wish, in dignity and respect, remains as firm as ever. Literacy is a foundation to build a more sustainable future for all – this is UNESCO’s message.”

You Can Make a Difference

Multiple organizations throughout the world are working hard to bring books and other reading materials to people in areas that lack these things. Here in Canada, you can learn to be a reading tutor and help individuals learn to read or to improve their skills. As a tutor, you have to be part coach and cheerleader, teacher and friend to keep someone on the track to literacy.

Read to your children. Encourage others to read and maintain their skills. Get news through reading and not watching and listening. Partner with an organization that is bringing books to communities where there are no books. World Literacy Foundation has many ways to volunteer for literacy and education. Don’t let this year’s International Literacy Day pass by without taking some time to make a difference in the life of someone who needs to learn to read.

Topics You and Your Future Spouse Need To Discuss Before Tying the Knot

There are quite a few topics you would want to discuss before getting married. Couples all over the world pledge to marry each other with the understanding that their lives will be tied together. Canadian couples understand the concept of “two becoming one.” They know that married life will be one of joint decision-making, compromises, and hopefully, a balanced exchange of ideas. A successful union is more than just sharing a home or a bed. You’ll be sharing more than just a living space, which is why it’s important to see where the two of you stand on certain key issues. It’s hard to know your significant other’s perspective without having these difficult, although critical, conversations before the big day.

Money, Money, Money

Can you imagine marrying a person with no knowledge of their income or assets? Presumably you’ll be living together, so you’ll need to have a conversation about how monthly expenses will be paid. Expand the conversation to other key money-related topics:

  • Attitudes towards money
  • Sharing bank accounts or maintaining existing assets
  • Short-term financial goals, such as saving for the wedding or a down payment for a home
  • Long-term financial goals, including college planning, retirement, and estate planning
  • Credit histories and attitudes on debt
  • Appetite for risk when it comes to investing

Sex and Intimacy

There are many opinions about whether couples should or shouldn’t have sex before marriage. Even if both of you are on the same page, it’s important to talk openly and honestly about sex and intimacy. Are there practices you enjoy? What about your partner? What if you have an aversion to the acts and expressions your partner finds enjoyable? You don’t want to discover on your honeymoon that you and your partner are incompatible when it comes to sex, intimacy, and affection.

Topics With Health Issues

Many engaged and newly married couples intend to start families of their own. Every couple should talk honestly and freely about health issues, especially those that run in their families. Are you predisposed to certain medical conditions? For example, if you and your spouse both come from families with a history of certain chronic diseases, you’ll want to know that, especially if you plan to have children together. Even if kids aren’t a part of the long-term plan, you should discuss medical histories. If dramatic lifestyle changes become necessary for one of you, both of you will be impacted. 

Topics On Worldviews

If you’ve been dating for a while, there’s a good chance you know your significant other’s perspective when it comes to religion and politics. You might think you’re on board with your partner’s worldview, but you’d hate to be blindsided after marriage. Some people avoid discussing these topics, thinking they’re unfruitful or destructive. It’s critical to know where you both stand. Issues you find trivial may be a big deal to your future spouse. You may be ok with your partner having a different religion or political view, but that may change once children enter the picture.

Conflict Resolution Topics

It’s safe to say you and your significant other won’t agree on everything. That’s ok. Successful marriages aren’t about avoiding conflict but rather resolving it in a way that is mutually beneficial and healthy. Do you prefer to deal with conflict as it comes up? Maybe one or both of you tend to struggle with small disagreements, which can become bigger sources of contention. Not only do you need to discuss conflict resolution, but it’s also important to recognize how your biases, insecurities, and vulnerabilities may show up in your disagreements.

Sharing life together as a married couple means understanding that some days won’t be as sunny as others. Having open and honest discussions about difficult topics beforehand can help you navigate through and around storms. While it’s important to approach marriage with an open heart, open eyes are also critical.