While being asked to speak at a wedding can make many people nervous, a little preparation can give you a boost of confidence in your speaking role.
Your friends are getting married, and they’ve asked you to play an important part in their special day. Perhaps you’re one of the honor attendants or you’re giving a reading during the ceremony. The prospect of getting up and speaking in front of a bunch of people, even if they are friends and family, can make you feel anxious or even panicky. Fortunately, you can conquer your fears and give a great speech, reading, or toast by following some helpful advice.
Consider Your Content’s Structure
Whether you’re writing a toast or giving a ceremony reading, the structure of your content plays an important role in its delivery. The Knot’s Maggie Seaver suggests that toasts and speeches should be kept short and simple. Citing public speaking expert Jennifer Hester, Seaver describes a general format that you can follow: “Tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you’ve told them.” This formula keeps it simple and creates a clear beginning, middle, and ending in your speech.
Next comes the hard part: what to say. Huffington Post’s Kelsey Borresen shares useful recommendations from Simon Bucknall, author of “The Best Man Speaker: The Definitive Guide to the Best Man Speech.” Focus on positive personal attributes. Perhaps you admire your friend’s sense of humor, selfless generosity, or optimism during tough times. If you’re stuck for ideas, Bucknall suggests interviewing friends and family members. Don’t forget to take notes: You’ll need them later when you’re writing your speech. Also, stay away from touchy subjects or potentially offensive humor. The last thing you want to do is embarrass yourself or the couple when speaking publicly.
If you’re giving a ceremony reading, you’ll use a somewhat different approach. Wedding Wire’‘s Lindsay Pietroluongo stresses the importance of studying the reading text. Understanding its meaning is crucial: You’ll not only know what you’re saying, but you can also appropriately stress key words, phrases, or lines for emphasis.
Practicing Speaking Makes Perfect
Now that you have your content well in hand, practicing speaking is key to polishing your delivery. Brides’ Elizabeth Mitchell recommends frequent rehearsals to help yourself know your content, become familiar with the words, and fine-tune details such as speed and annunciation. The goal is not to eliminate your nervousness entirely, but to harness it and make it work for you. Non-verbal elements such as gestures and tone of voice make up a large part of how we communicate, so letting your emotions naturally come out makes your words come alive and your delivery more genuine.
As you rehearse your speech or reading, other tools and tips can aid in your preparation. Pietroluongo suggests practicing speaking in front of a mirror. Besides helping you remember to look up at your audience, you can also pay attention to your body language, facial expressions, and movement. Both Seaver and Mitchell recommend recording yourself and listening to the playback for filler words such as “um” and “uh,” excessive throat clearing, and other trouble spots. Also, consider rehearsing in front of a friend or family member you trust to provide honest feedback.
Don’t Forget Your Script
As confident as you may feel right before the big day, it’s still a good idea to bring written notes or a copy of the reading with you. This isn’t a poetry slam: No one’s expecting you to memorize. By making an outline or jotting down notes or photocopying your reading, you’ll give yourself some visual prompts and avoid either rambling or drawing a complete blank.
No matter whether you’ve spoken in front of a crowd once or a hundred times, it’s natural to feel nervous. Giving a ceremony reading, speech, or toast is an honor, and you want to do the best job possible. Remember to practice, mind your content, and above all, relax! You’ve got this. With preparation and a little confidence, you’ll do fine.
