When we think of religion and psychological abuse, we usually picture ex-cult members. Often, these people come out with severe trauma that needs treatment. But you don’t have to be in a cult to suffer this kind of harm: Faith-related trauma is a real thing. Some are calling it “Religious Trauma Syndrome,” and former evangelicals are emerging to find answers and healing.
Defining Religious Trauma Syndrome
New York Times writer Richard Schiffman says that Religious Trauma Syndrome isn’t an official diagnosis — yet. It’s not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, an extensive resource book used by mental health professionals. But it’s become shorthand for negative mental health outcomes caused by what Schiffman calls “religious indoctrination.” The World Health Organization also recently included RTS in its International Classification of Diseases.
Journey Free, a recovery group that helps people heal from such trauma, describes RTS as resulting from “chronic abuse” connected to authoritarian and dogmatic religious cultures. Since it develops through long-term trauma, RTS sufferers can exhibit symptoms of complex PTSD:
Hyperarousal, the constant feeling of being irritable or “on edge”
Re-experienced trauma through nightmares and flashbacks
Avoiding situations that may remind them of their trauma
Isolation from friends and family
Nagging feelings of guilt of shame
Difficulty with emotional regulation and expression
Journalist Stephanie Russell-Kraft profiled one religious trauma survivor, Ana Sharp Williamson, in a March 2021 piece for The New Republic. Williamson, who had grown up in a conservative evangelical community in the United States, began having panic attacks after she and her husband began attending a new church. She found herself crying, sweating, and hyperventilating during these episodes. Russell-Kraft adds that other former evangelicals have similar experiences, especially after leaving their churches when former U.S. President Donald Trump was elected in 2016.
Causes of Faith-Related Trauma
Religious Trauma Syndrome results from recurring experiences over a long period of time. Often, this begins with fear-based doctrines that are repeatedly taught. With evangelical Christianity, especially in the United States, these can include several ideas: an overemphasis on eternal damnation, white Christian nationalism, and anti-LGBTQIA sentiments. Thinly veiled misogyny expresses itself in complementarianism, the idea that men and women occupy distinctive and separate roles. It also takes the form of purity culture, which insists that men are naturally lustful and women should remain virgins until marriage.
These ideas further become instruments of trauma when they’re used to shame, attack, and abuse others. Anyone can suffer these effects, but they’re especially salient among women and LGBTQIA people. God is an angry guy in the sky demanding perfection and conformity, so the narrative goes. If you’re defective in any way, he will reject you. But since humans are imperfect, it’s easy to develop hypervigilance and fear through repeated exposure within conservative religious environments. And in some cases, these damaging messages are coupled with physical and/or sexual abuse.
It’s OK Not To Be OK
Psychological trauma can heal through treatment. But some sufferers of RTS look for therapists specializing in religious trauma. Groups like Journey Free and Recovering from Religion offer services such as individual counselling and support groups, plus other resources to help in the healing journey. Canadian mental health professionals have followed suit, with counselling services available in places like Vancouver and Alberta. The Reclamation Collective provides religious trauma therapy listings for both the United States and Canada.
Healing from RTS includes rediscovering oneself. That usually means letting go of perfectionism, developing self-compassion, and slowly unlearning damaging and destructive ideas. For some, it also means reclaiming one’s sovereign free will to make deliberate life and faith choices. Ultimately, recovering from religious trauma is a journey that takes time and patience to travel.
An article from Religion News reminds us of the difficulties in planning weddings when two faiths are involved. The article focuses on a Muslim woman and a Baptist man getting married, both of whom wanted traditions from their own faiths in the wedding but couldn’t find an imam who would perform the ceremony. Eventually, they did find someone who did not require the groom to convert, but the journey wasn’t easy. Here are some tips to navigate an interfaith wedding if you’re a couple who is coming together from different religious backgrounds.
Take Some Time To Learn New Things
As you try to blend your two faiths into a ceremony, you need to understand the traditions. This can add time to your wedding planning, so adjust accordingly. Have lunch with your partner’s parents or grandparents and talk about their own weddings. Try to attend a wedding together in both faiths. Take a religious class of the opposite faith. Dig deeper into the faith to learn more about your partner. As you learn more about your partner’s faith, talk about what you’re learning. It’s a great opportunity to discover what is important to each other to help you as you keep planning.
Talk to a Counselor or Interfaith Guide
A third party can be a valuable resource in helping you blend two traditions. These discussions about your wedding are just the beginning. You will need to navigate many more family matters together as you have children, take care of elderly parents and celebrate holidays. A counselor who is trained in negotiating partnerships can help you find solutions that work for both of you instead of either of you feeling like you compromised.
Find an interfaith Officiant
Determining who will conduct the wedding ceremony can be difficult even if you both are the same faith. When you involve two faiths, you may face even more hurdles. Think about who can execute the wedding you want and respect both faiths. Your parents may have ideas of their own, so you want them to be comfortable, too. If you choose two officiants, you need time to work with them to make sure the ceremony flows well. If you have difficulty finding officiants from your faiths, the Universal Life Church ordains ministers who can perform the symbolic ceremony. Going this route gives you more options because you can ask a friend or family member. Still, you don’t want to wait till the last minute because you want your officiant to have time to practice.
Involve Both Families
A wedding might be your special day, but remember it’s also a big day for your parents and family. Make sure you listen to both families and involve them in the planning. Of course, there’s no way you can incorporate everything everyone wants, but you’ll build a better foundation by demonstrating that you do want to respect both traditions and faith. Your wedding sets the stage for the next phase of your life, and being understanding and respectful now goes a long way in setting the tone for after your wedding.
Adjust Your Expectations
Every relationship navigates difficult choices. It’s human nature to want things to go your way. However, this is a bit unrealistic, so you need to adapt, and you may need to negotiate a different wedding from the one you imagined. It’s okay to acknowledge disappointment, but instead of harboring resentment, come up with a solution that works for you. Keep your eyes focused on your love for each other. You’ll always have differences, but know you can work together to have the wedding that fits each of you.
Interfaith unions are the new norm. If you’re trying to bring two faiths together in a marriage ceremony, here are some tips to help navigate the pitfalls.
According to a 2015 study by the Pew Research Center (a U.S.-based nonpartisan fact tank), about 39 percent of couples who have married since 2010 have a spouse of another faith or religion. When falling in love, this may not be a big deal, but when it comes to planning a wedding, it can be a nightmare. Interfaith unions are the new normal. If you’re trying to bring two faiths together in a marriage ceremony, here are some tips to help you navigate the pitfalls.
Interfaith Bride and Groom Need to Be on the Same Page
Once you’ve set the date, before you bring in the family, the bride and groom need to talk about the ceremony. Determine what’s important to each of you. This discussion is going to set the stage for future issues. Someday, you may have children and have to decide which religion to celebrate with them.
Working together lets you present your ideas in unison to your parents, who are going to have their own ideas, and you can stand behind the decisions. Your family may have some culture shock, and you’re going to have to be assertive and firm. Decide which traditions of the ceremony and reception you want to include and which ones you can pass on. If there is one aspect of the day that your mom or spouse’s mom just can’t live without, ask for help in working it into your plans. Don’t alienate family, but don’t give in to all their demands. Think about it for a while before saying that it just isn’t you.
Explain the importance of a particular tradition to the family to help them move past the unknown. Give the family time to process information. Just because they are shocked doesn’t mean they won’t support you. It just means they need to understand and remember that you are an adult making a decision for your future.
Finding the Officiant
Finding someone to perform the interfaith ceremony may be the most difficult part of the planning. This is one area where weddings have not kept up with the norm. One of the most common things is to ask the pastor/leader from each tradition to work together to hold the ceremony. Some faiths will not acquiesce to this request. Another option is to hold two different ceremonies.
One option gaining in popularity would be to consider an ordained minister from the Universal Life Church. It could be a family member or friend who is willing to get ordained and perform an interfaith ceremony. It is extremely easy to do and would allow you to find the perfect fit for your wedding.
Just remember, this is your day. Be honest with your officiant. Don’t make promises about raising children in the faith or attending services if you don’t intend to follow through.
Holding the Ceremony
On the day of your wedding, you may want to include information about your ceremony in the program or have the officiant explain. Your guests may not be from your faith, and it helps them embrace your togetherness when they understand the reason behind doing something. Your guests may not know what to expect, but you want them to think that it was the best wedding ever. Give them a chance to appreciate your interfaith bond with your new spouse.
Remember Your Goal
What is it you want your wedding to say? Keep this in mind as you move forward. The goal is to bring two people together for life. This includes welding your religion and faith in a meaningful way. You have the right to choose your own meaningful traditions to remember your wedding. It’s going to take time to choose the elements that make your day special, but it will be worth it in the end. Working together to plan your interfaith ceremony is a way to build skills that will last you far into your marriage.
When we think of religion and psychological abuse, we usually picture ex-cult members. Often, these people come out with severe trauma that needs treatment. But you don’t have to be in a cult to suffer this kind of harm: Faith-related trauma is a real thing. Some are calling it “Religious Trauma Syndrome,” and former evangelicals are emerging to find answers and healing.
Defining Religious Trauma Syndrome
New York Times writer Richard Schiffman says that Religious Trauma Syndrome isn’t an official diagnosis — yet. It’s not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, an extensive resource book used by mental health professionals. But it’s become shorthand for negative mental health outcomes caused by what Schiffman calls “religious indoctrination.” The World Health Organization also recently included RTS in its International Classification of Diseases.
Journey Free, a recovery group that helps people heal from such trauma, describes RTS as resulting from “chronic abuse” connected to authoritarian and dogmatic religious cultures. Since it develops through long-term trauma, RTS sufferers can exhibit symptoms of complex PTSD:
Hyperarousal, the constant feeling of being irritable or “on edge”
Re-experienced trauma through nightmares and flashbacks
Avoiding situations that may remind them of their trauma
Isolation from friends and family
Nagging feelings of guilt of shame
Difficulty with emotional regulation and expression
Journalist Stephanie Russell-Kraft profiled one religious trauma survivor, Ana Sharp Williamson, in a March 2021 piece for The New Republic. Williamson, who had grown up in a conservative evangelical community in the United States, began having panic attacks after she and her husband began attending a new church. She found herself crying, sweating, and hyperventilating during these episodes. Russell-Kraft adds that other former evangelicals have similar experiences, especially after leaving their churches when former U.S. President Donald Trump was elected in 2016.
Causes of Faith-Related Trauma
Religious Trauma Syndrome results from recurring experiences over a long period of time. Often, this begins with fear-based doctrines that are repeatedly taught. With evangelical Christianity, especially in the United States, these can include several ideas: an overemphasis on eternal damnation, white Christian nationalism, and anti-LGBTQIA sentiments. Thinly veiled misogyny expresses itself in complementarianism, the idea that men and women occupy distinctive and separate roles. It also takes the form of purity culture, which insists that men are naturally lustful and women should remain virgins until marriage.
These ideas further become instruments of trauma when they’re used to shame, attack, and abuse others. Anyone can suffer these effects, but they’re especially salient among women and LGBTQIA people. God is an angry guy in the sky demanding perfection and conformity, so the narrative goes. If you’re defective in any way, he will reject you. But since humans are imperfect, it’s easy to develop hypervigilance and fear through repeated exposure within conservative religious environments. And in some cases, these damaging messages are coupled with physical and/or sexual abuse.
It’s OK Not To Be OK
Psychological trauma can heal through treatment. But some sufferers of RTS look for therapists specializing in religious trauma. Groups like Journey Free and Recovering from Religion offer services such as individual counselling and support groups, plus other resources to help in the healing journey. Canadian mental health professionals have followed suit, with counselling services available in places like Vancouver and Alberta. The Reclamation Collective provides religious trauma therapy listings for both the United States and Canada.
Healing from RTS includes rediscovering oneself. That usually means letting go of perfectionism, developing self-compassion, and slowly unlearning damaging and destructive ideas. For some, it also means reclaiming one’s sovereign free will to make deliberate life and faith choices. Ultimately, recovering from religious trauma is a journey that takes time and patience to travel.
An article from Religion News reminds us of the difficulties in planning weddings when two faiths are involved. The article focuses on a Muslim woman and a Baptist man getting married, both of whom wanted traditions from their own faiths in the wedding but couldn’t find an imam who would perform the ceremony. Eventually, they did find someone who did not require the groom to convert, but the journey wasn’t easy. Here are some tips to navigate an interfaith wedding if you’re a couple who is coming together from different religious backgrounds.
Take Some Time To Learn New Things
As you try to blend your two faiths into a ceremony, you need to understand the traditions. This can add time to your wedding planning, so adjust accordingly. Have lunch with your partner’s parents or grandparents and talk about their own weddings. Try to attend a wedding together in both faiths. Take a religious class of the opposite faith. Dig deeper into the faith to learn more about your partner. As you learn more about your partner’s faith, talk about what you’re learning. It’s a great opportunity to discover what is important to each other to help you as you keep planning.
Talk to a Counselor or Interfaith Guide
A third party can be a valuable resource in helping you blend two traditions. These discussions about your wedding are just the beginning. You will need to navigate many more family matters together as you have children, take care of elderly parents and celebrate holidays. A counselor who is trained in negotiating partnerships can help you find solutions that work for both of you instead of either of you feeling like you compromised.
Find an interfaith Officiant
Determining who will conduct the wedding ceremony can be difficult even if you both are the same faith. When you involve two faiths, you may face even more hurdles. Think about who can execute the wedding you want and respect both faiths. Your parents may have ideas of their own, so you want them to be comfortable, too. If you choose two officiants, you need time to work with them to make sure the ceremony flows well. If you have difficulty finding officiants from your faiths, the Universal Life Church ordains ministers who can perform the symbolic ceremony. Going this route gives you more options because you can ask a friend or family member. Still, you don’t want to wait till the last minute because you want your officiant to have time to practice.
Involve Both Families
A wedding might be your special day, but remember it’s also a big day for your parents and family. Make sure you listen to both families and involve them in the planning. Of course, there’s no way you can incorporate everything everyone wants, but you’ll build a better foundation by demonstrating that you do want to respect both traditions and faith. Your wedding sets the stage for the next phase of your life, and being understanding and respectful now goes a long way in setting the tone for after your wedding.
Adjust Your Expectations
Every relationship navigates difficult choices. It’s human nature to want things to go your way. However, this is a bit unrealistic, so you need to adapt, and you may need to negotiate a different wedding from the one you imagined. It’s okay to acknowledge disappointment, but instead of harboring resentment, come up with a solution that works for you. Keep your eyes focused on your love for each other. You’ll always have differences, but know you can work together to have the wedding that fits each of you.
Interfaith unions are the new norm. If you’re trying to bring two faiths together in a marriage ceremony, here are some tips to help navigate the pitfalls.
According to a 2015 study by the Pew Research Center (a U.S.-based nonpartisan fact tank), about 39 percent of couples who have married since 2010 have a spouse of another faith or religion. When falling in love, this may not be a big deal, but when it comes to planning a wedding, it can be a nightmare. Interfaith unions are the new normal. If you’re trying to bring two faiths together in a marriage ceremony, here are some tips to help you navigate the pitfalls.
Interfaith Bride and Groom Need to Be on the Same Page
Once you’ve set the date, before you bring in the family, the bride and groom need to talk about the ceremony. Determine what’s important to each of you. This discussion is going to set the stage for future issues. Someday, you may have children and have to decide which religion to celebrate with them.
Working together lets you present your ideas in unison to your parents, who are going to have their own ideas, and you can stand behind the decisions. Your family may have some culture shock, and you’re going to have to be assertive and firm. Decide which traditions of the ceremony and reception you want to include and which ones you can pass on. If there is one aspect of the day that your mom or spouse’s mom just can’t live without, ask for help in working it into your plans. Don’t alienate family, but don’t give in to all their demands. Think about it for a while before saying that it just isn’t you.
Explain the importance of a particular tradition to the family to help them move past the unknown. Give the family time to process information. Just because they are shocked doesn’t mean they won’t support you. It just means they need to understand and remember that you are an adult making a decision for your future.
Finding the Officiant
Finding someone to perform the interfaith ceremony may be the most difficult part of the planning. This is one area where weddings have not kept up with the norm. One of the most common things is to ask the pastor/leader from each tradition to work together to hold the ceremony. Some faiths will not acquiesce to this request. Another option is to hold two different ceremonies.
One option gaining in popularity would be to consider an ordained minister from the Universal Life Church. It could be a family member or friend who is willing to get ordained and perform an interfaith ceremony. It is extremely easy to do and would allow you to find the perfect fit for your wedding.
Just remember, this is your day. Be honest with your officiant. Don’t make promises about raising children in the faith or attending services if you don’t intend to follow through.
Holding the Ceremony
On the day of your wedding, you may want to include information about your ceremony in the program or have the officiant explain. Your guests may not be from your faith, and it helps them embrace your togetherness when they understand the reason behind doing something. Your guests may not know what to expect, but you want them to think that it was the best wedding ever. Give them a chance to appreciate your interfaith bond with your new spouse.
Remember Your Goal
What is it you want your wedding to say? Keep this in mind as you move forward. The goal is to bring two people together for life. This includes welding your religion and faith in a meaningful way. You have the right to choose your own meaningful traditions to remember your wedding. It’s going to take time to choose the elements that make your day special, but it will be worth it in the end. Working together to plan your interfaith ceremony is a way to build skills that will last you far into your marriage.
