Handling Fights With Your Significant Other
Relationships are far from easy. Getting through difficult periods of strife is all about learning the right way to handle fights.
Relationships are far from easy. While some might be simpler for you to manage than others, all of the connections you share with friends and family members need to be tended to every now and again. One of the most important bonds you share in life is with your significant other. Fights can disrupt the normal routine of a couple and sour plenty of experiences before the issue is resolved. Getting through difficult periods of strife is all about learning the right way to handle a fight.
There are several actions you should avoid when arguing with your partner. Consider these tips and discover how you can keep your fights to a minimum and civil all the while.
Respect Is Everything
Showing proper respect to your significant other is important when you want your relationship to stay healthy. Of course, this is not always easy. When you are in the middle of fights, you may not remember how crucial respect can be. The worst thing you can do is willingly and consciously show disrespect during a fight. Remember that every person has a different way of handling stress and coping with an argument. Respect your partner’s process, and it will be easier to find a resolution.
The Stakes Aren’t That High
Fighting has a way of making everything seem extreme. When you’ve been with your partner for long enough, you start to argue over the dumbest topics. Sometimes, you may even have the same point of view but are arguing anyway. When tensions are high, many people assume the stakes are also high. This creates an “all or nothing” mentality that can destroy your relationship by making it seem like any little fight is a cause for throwing your relationship away. Luckily, taking a step back before reacting can help you gain some perspective on the matter.
Let Go of Fights
Nothing is worse in a fight than when your significant other slings something at you from the past. Though plenty of couples “keep score” and hold to past transgressions, this is a very unhealthy habit. Throwing something at your partner from the past means those wounds were never healed. It is important to address topics that bother you as soon as possible, or else you may end up in a situation where you are constantly fighting over the same things.
Learn To Listen
A big mistake couples make frequently during fights is to fail to hear what the other is saying. When you both have a lot to get off your chests, you both need to hear each other. If you only argue your point of view and wait for your turn to speak, then you won’t be able to resolve any of the issues being brought up. Listening is a skill many people lack, so do your best to focus and put your emotions to the side as you do.
Find a Resolution
You may also find that many of your fights feel like they are going in circles. This is because plenty of couples constantly go back to the root of what caused the argument. While it is important to address the cause, you need to move past this and focus more on the resolution. How will you move forward, and what changes will each of you make? Thinking about the resolution will help you avoid an endless cycle of arguing the same points.
Relationships require a lot of work. No matter how strong the bond you share with your partner might be, you are going to argue now and again. What matters is how you move through the conflict. Take time to learn sensible ways of handling your fights, and see how you can use each disagreement as a way to strengthen your union for the future.
Women to Know – Viola Desmond
Viola Desmond was one of many who have been fighting for equality of the races.
Chances are, you know that Viola Desmond is going to be the new face of the $10 bill, but you may not know who she is. She is the first Canadian-born woman who will appear on a Canadian banknote. The only other woman who does is Queen Elizabeth. Desmond is considered Canada’s Rosa Parks, but she hasn’t gotten near the recognition that Parks has received. Desmond is considered to have started the civil rights movement in Canada. Who is this woman who changed history?
Viola Desmond and Her Beginnings
Viola was born to James and Gwendolin Davis in 1914 in Halifax. She was one of fifteen children. Her parents were active in the black community and belonged to many organizations. Viola wanted to become a beautician because she noticed that professional skin and hair care products were not available for black women. She wasn’t allowed to train in her own town of Halifax. She went to Montreal, Atlantic City and New York to receive the training she needed to open her own hair salon.
Once she returned to Halifax, she did open a salon. She also set up a beauty school for black women to receive proper training. Desmond encouraged students to open their own businesses and then to hire other black women within the community. She marketed and sold her own line of beauty products for black women. It was on a business trip to sell these products when she made her stand.
Trouble in New Glasgow
Viola went to New Glasgow in November 1946 to promote her line. Her car broke down in the town. The parts would not become available until the next day. She went to the Roseland Film Theatre to pass the time. After purchasing her ticket, she took a seat on the main floor. The manager informed her that she could not sit there because she was black. She refused to sit in the balcony, which was designated exclusively for blacks. The police were called and had to forcibly remove her from the segregated theatre. She was injured in the process, kept in jail overnight and never informed that she had a right to a lawyer or bail.
There was a one-cent difference in tax between the price of the seats in the balcony and the seats on the main floor. Desmond was charged with tax evasion for not paying this difference. She was fined $20, which is about $270 in today’s costs, plus had to pay court costs of $6. She was able to pay the fine and return to her home town. Her husband suggested she let the matter go, but Desmond decided to fight the charge.
The Nova Scotia Association for the Advancement of Coloured People (NSAACP) and her church helped her hire a lawyer. The first trials proved unsuccessful because she was not convicted out of racism or discrimination, but simply because she refused to pay the one-cent tax.
The case was dismissed. Justice William Lorimer Hall wrote, “One wonders if the manager of the theatre who laid the complaint was so zealous because of a bona fide belief that there had been an attempt to defraud the province of Nova Scotia of the sum of one cent, or was it a surreptitious endeavour to enforce a Jim Crow rule by misuse of a public statute.”
Desmond died in 1965 due to a gastrointestinal hemorrhage. She was just 50 years old. Most people forgot about her act until Viola’s sister published “Sister to Courage” in 2010. The Lieutenant Governor of Nova Scotia, Mayann Francis, granted Desmond a free pardon, the first to be granted posthumously. Desmond would be honoured on a Canadian stamp in 2012. And now, in 2018, she will be the first Canadian woman to be portrayed on a Canadian note.