eloping in ontario

What You Should Know About Eloping

Couples Eloping is not anything new. For many engaged couples around the world, sharing life together as spouses is something to anticipate and celebrate. Engaged Canadian couples have much to look forward to, but sometimes the wedding itself can be a major source of stress. While the day is all about you and your partner, there are pressures, internal and external, that can inspire feelings of anxiety and dread. You have to make accommodations for the ceremony, including for loved ones. The idea of eloping grows more appealing each day, but you have misgivings about not excluding those who are near and dear. Is it selfish to elope? Here’s what you should know.

Exploring Elopement

Historically, eloping meant marrying someone suddenly and usually in secret. The implication was that you and your partner escaped from everyone else to tie the knot. In such cases, the marriage was solemnized without the approval of family, especially parents and in-laws. Sometimes couples would elope to avoid cultural and religious customs or requirements during the engagement period. Everyone would learn of the union after the fact. Nowadays, an inexpensive, no-muss, no-fuss ceremony is commonly described as an elopement, even with knowledge and participation from others.

Eloping While Making Yourself a Priority

Wedding celebrations have the ironic quality of being both about a couple’s needs and preferences and involving those who are near and dear. After all, in Canada, couples can be married by judges, justices of the peace, or court clerks, depending on provincial requirements. Many couples want to include loved ones, but even modest events can be daunting. Honoring traditions, securing approval from others, and even bankrolling the event can be stressful. You might think that eloping is selfish, but consider these truths:

  • It’s self-care, not selfishness: How ironic and sad it would be if the so-called happiest day of your life was marred by stress and anxiety? You’re entitled to do what’s necessary to take care of yourself.
  • It’s a celebration of you and your spouse: Others’ opinions aren’t unimportant, but ultimately, you know what’s best.
  • It’s your special day: At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is tying the knot with the love of your life. It’s your wedding, and you’ll elope if you want to!
  • It should be a day you remember fondly: As with most couples, you’ll acknowledge each anniversary with celebration and reflection. You want your wedding day to be something that makes you smile, not wince.

Eloping And Calling Others In

Eliminating stress and saving money are worthwhile goals, but you can also soften the blow of elopement with communication and inclusion. Consider these tips:

  • Tell others why you want to elope: Being honest about your motivations and fears helps to mitigate hurt feelings.
  • Hold space for others’ feelings: It’s ok to validate how friends and family feel about not being included.
  • Invite others to participate: Look for ways to include the ones you love in your elopement plans, as appropriate. You can also invite them to help you shop for wedding attire or other pre-ceremony traditions, even if they’re scaled back.
  • Throw an engagement party: Have a party for those who are closest and inform them of your plans then.
  • Throw a post-wedding get-together: While you should still let people know ahead of time, a post-wedding party is an opportunity to bring your special people together to celebrate.
  • Bring others “along” for the fun: Going live or sharing videos and images from your elopement on social media keeps family and friends in the loop. This is especially a good idea if you have a destination wedding or honeymoon.

Eloping isn’t selfish, even if you are “escaping” the pressure of a big wedding with all the bells and whistles. While there are ways to include special people in your plans, it’s ultimately about what’s best for you and your partner. It’s your marriage. You get to decide how to kick things off.

Conundrum for Budget-Conscious Couples: To Elope or Not to Elope

Elope in fiji

The cost of getting married tipped Canadian budgets to the tune of $31,685 in 2014, says the bridal authority, Weddingbells magazine. Compare that number to the average Canadian income in 2014, which, according to Statistics Canada, was a shade above $49,000. A beautiful ceremony and reception remain the dream of many a bride and groom, but expenses can get out of control quickly. There are no shortage of innovations and trends in the industry to entice a couple-to-be into spending more than half of their projected income for the year. Slate.com recommends an old fashioned solution: an elopement.

Take the Money and Elope

According to the online conversation, couples should take the money they would have spent on a lavish celebration and invest in their partnership. Weddingbells reports that the average age for a bride is 31, an age when many adults are thinking seriously about their financial futures. Slate’s nuptial expense calendar is a true eye-opener, even for dewy-eyed lovebirds. The calculator is designed to let readers know how much money they would have made if they had taken the money they spent on their party and invested it in the stock market instead. For example, if a couple eloped in 1995 and funneled the $5,000 festivity budget into the S&P 500, they would have $32,810 in the bank today. Of course, it is all theory, and it is questionable whether the recent global recession is accounted for, but the numbers are sobering.

Unrealistic Expectations

Part of the issue with exploding budgets is that people often have a skewed sense of exactly how much things cost. Weddingbells conducted a survey that showed that couples who anticipated spending around $23,000, actually emptied the bank account of more than $31,000 (although that bottom line included the honeymoon). The magazine offers an extremely handy guide to what couples can afford with budgets from $10,000 to $100,000. While there is virtually nothing you cannot do or have with $100k, couples can enjoy a lovely, if modest, celebration at the lower end. Still, they should plan on a limited guest list, and figure plate costs at about $100 per guest. The smallest budget will buy:

  • A plated dinner for fewer than 35 guests
  • Drinks, in moderation
  • A modest cake, still photography and a pretty dress

The magazine advises that people who want to spend wisely should concentrate on the food, and forgo excessive frou frou. In other words, no couture, no string quartet and no midnight munchies.

It’s Not All About the Money

Not everyone who chooses to elope does so solely for financial reasons. For some couples, the pageantry of a big celebration is too much. Their dream day may involve just the two of them, plus an officiant. They may pop a bottle of champagne and enjoy a lovely dinner, with just each other for company.

Eloping suffers from a bit of a bad reputation. Many a bride or groom would not dream of disappointing family and friends by running off in the dead of night. However, the idea that your family will be devastated by your elopement may be overstated. It is true that in many cultures, it is considered rude to marry without inviting several hundred of your nearest and dearest to witness the event. If you are free of these cultural constraints, though, you might be surprised by how supportive your family can be. In addition, there is nothing preventing you from dropping some cash in a nice restaurant later on to celebrate your union.

Weddingbells reports that an estimated 162,000 Canadians will marry this year. It is unlikely that the booming wedding industry would suffer significantly if two of them decided to finance their upcoming adventure instead.