How To Let a Loved One Know They Won’t Be in Your Wedding Party
Once you and your significant other have agreed to tie the knot, you’re on a countdown to the big day. Your thoughts turn to all the details you need to figure out for your marriage ceremony. One of the big decisions to make is deciding who will be in the wedding party. As with couples all over the world, Canadian couples often look to close friends and family members to be bridesmaids, groomsmen, and other participants.
Asking a bestie or a sibling to be a maid of honor or best man is a no-brainer. You may be inspired to find creative ways to ask those closest to you to commit to being in the wedding party. The closest ones probably expect to be asked, but what about other people who are expecting to be asked to participate? How do you break the news to them? Consider the following suggestions.
Don’t Delay
If you’re asking someone to be in your wedding party, it’s important to do it as early as possible. Similarly, if you’re telling someone they won’t be in that number, it’s important to avoid delaying. Breaking the news gets harder to do the longer you wait. That person may be making special arrangements to be a groomsman or bridesmaid. Moreover, you don’t want them to find out secondhand from others.
Tell Them in Person
When it comes to potentially difficult conversations, it’s best to have a face-to-face meeting. Sending an email or text message is incredibly rude and may unintentionally suggest you don’t value your relationship with the person. If an in-person meeting is impossible because of geography, call them or set up a virtual meeting.
Be Direct and Up-Front
When you do meet with your friend or family member, honesty and directness are key. Don’t beat around the bush. Honor them by getting straight to the point. Hemming and hawing about it may sound like you’re being dishonest or hiding something from them. If you have neutral or positive reasons for your choice, be honest. If there are negative reasons for not including them, you can still be honest, but be intentional about your delivery.
Validate Their Feelings
There’s always the possibility your loved one won’t react well to the news. Not being a part of the wedding party can be very disappointing and feel like rejection. Let them vent. Acknowledge their feelings and remind them of how much you value your relationship. Reassure them their presence at the wedding is important to you and your spouse-to-be. At the very least, make space for them to be disappointed and listen.
Find Other Ways To Include Them
It’s common for friends to be asked to serve as ushers when you’ve reached the limit on groomsmen or bridesmaids. Does your loved one have a special talent, such as singing or playing an instrument? Ask them to do a selection or two in the ceremony. Perhaps that person has the gift of gab and would make a great emcee for the reception. You can also give them bridesmaid or groomsman-type duties like planning a stag and doe party or wedding shower. There are many ways for loved ones to be involved.
Expect the Best and Prepare for the Worst
Although this won’t be the easiest conversation to have, be optimistic. Your loved one may be very understanding of the choice you’ve made. They’ll appreciate your openness and warmth. If they respond with anger and hostility, you may be forced to take an honest look at your relationship.
Your nuptials should be a joyous occasion you and your partner look forward to. Although preparing for the big day should be fun, you may have to explain to friends and family they won’t be in your wedding party. Your decision shouldn’t end a relationship, so keep these suggestions in mind.
