May 21 is the United Nations designated international holiday to promote inclusivity and diversity. The World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development was adopted after the 9/11 terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington D.C. This year, the Third World Forum on Intercultural Dialogue takes place in Baku, Republic of Azerbaijan on the theme: “Sharing Culture for a Shared Security” in May. Five different international organizations have planned this conference for world leaders to promote cultural awareness.
Why Is Diversity Important?
Almost all of the world’s major conflicts have an aspect of cultural dimension. Understanding the differences in cultures and religions builds bridges on what is common to everyone. Acknowledging the value of all cultures and ethnicities promotes inclusivity, according to Peter Mousaferiadis, creator of the 1st prize in the #DoOneThing video contest, “Diversified We Grow.” The video is available on YouTube, and it is a nice introduction to the question of why diversity is so vital in today’s multiracial world.
What Can You Do to Promote Diversity?
The UN offers these 10 suggestions for individuals and families who can’t attend an international conference.
Watch a movie or read a book about a religion other than your own.
Have dinner with another family whose background is much different than yours.
Visit museums and art exhibits that celebrate other cultures and traditions.
Study philosophers and historians from other countries to gain a different perspective.
Attend a worship service outside of your own religion. Contact the leader before you attend if you are concerned about the worship traditions and participation.
Play a game in which you put a post-it with the name of country on it on your forehead. Others tell you stereotypes about the country and you have to guess which one it is.
Read the ULC blog and others for information about celebrations around the world, such as Hanukkah, the Holi Festival of Colors, or the Chinese New Year.
Talk about your own culture with your family.
Listen to music from around the world.
Invite others to speak to your group about their traditions.
Join the Facebook campaign at “Do One Thing For Diversity and Inclusion” for more ideas about encouraging inclusivity in your community. This grassroots campaign encourages people to take action for diversity and promotes concrete ideas to do just that. There may be no way for you to change a conflict in Bangladesh, but you can prevent arguments in your community.
This campaign also sponsored the #DoOneThing video contest. The second place winner, “Tomato Story” By Lidiia Kozhevnikova is a very powerful story of how differences can be attractive. After you’ve found the first two videos, catch the third place winner, “Me and the differences” By Francesco Lucantoni. The contest is from 2013, but the message is timeless. Keep scrolling down the timeline and you’ll find a number of other cute videos with the same message.
Small Steps by Individuals Make Changes
A person’s cultural background affects their behavior and performance, but a person’s behavior and performance can also affect their culture. It’s important to understand how the dynamics of culture and religion shape a person, in order to challenge stereotypes and remove barriers between misunderstandings. None of these things happen overnight. It’s the small changes individuals make in their own lives that shifts the country’s thinking over time.
Join the celebration on May 21 by doing one thing to promote cultural diversity. Work within your own organization or church to encourage unity amid the differences in your community. The United Nations webpage on Cultural Diversity Day offers numerous resources both globally and locally. Promoting diversity discourages racism and intolerance. It starts with each person making strides to understand their neighbors.
On December 6, 1989, at l’Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal, 14 young women were gunned down by a man who was deliberately targeting women on the campus. This year marks the 26th anniversary of this tragic event, which is now commemorated by the Rose Campaign. The message heard around the country after this tragedy was “First Mourn, Then Work for Change.” Take this day as a message of hope for women who deal with violence.
Domestic Violence Statistics
Research indicates that more than 50 percent of women in Canada will experience some form of violence within their life. Younger women are more often targets of violence, and most women know their abuser. It’s estimated that this violence against women costs Canadians over $7 billion annually. It’s not just medical costs, but social services fees and lost productivity.
Women are not the only victims of domestic violence. Children witness these attacks, and it affects their own development. They cannot learn in school when they are scared of what will happen at home. When a child does see violence in the home, he or she is likely to develop long-term behavioral issues. This increases the costs associated with domestic violence, because the child may require therapy to address these issues and to be able to cope with the stress.
Who Is at Risk?
According to the Canadian Women’s Foundation, violence against women is not limited to certain ethnic or religious groups, nor is it limited to any particular age or income group. Whether you’re atheist or Christian, this problem relates to everyone in the country. Unfortunately, there is one group in Canada that has an increased risk. Women of the First Nations, Inuit and Métis are 3.5 times more likely to be victims of violence than non-Aboriginal women. In fact, they are eight times more likely to be killed by their partner. Immigrant women and those with a disability are also higher-risk victims. Sadly, often when women go to get help, they may be dismissed by the police, the medical team, or family members who don’t want to acknowledge that there is a problem.
December 6 Activities
The National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women was established in 1991 by Parliament. The flag is flown at half-mast on federal buildings. The day is also known as White Ribbon Day. Canadians wear white or purple ribbons to show their support to end violence against women. In some locations, a moment of silence is observed in remembrance of the victims and to demonstrate support.
The Rose Campaign is the main advocacy program that drives awareness of domestic violence in Canada. It started a Light the Night Against Violence movement across the nation as another way to draw attention. Many monuments, bridges, and buildings will be lit up in red to take a stand. Vancouver City Hall, Yellowknife City Hall, CN Tower, and Science World are just a few of the buildings that will be alight that night. In Ontario, there will be memorial services and candlelight vigils as part of the commemoration.
How You Can Take Action Against Violence
Reflect on these statistics to understand the problem. Consider your circle of female friends. Half of them have probably experienced some form of domestic violence over their lifetime. What would you do if they admitted it to you?
Participate in the activities on December 6 to show your support for ending domestic violence. The response cannot stop there. It’s important to speak up about violence when you see it in your community. Those who commit violence need to be encouraged to get help. Women who experience violence need a place to be safe. Be a beacon of light in your community and help to fight this awful crime that transcends age, ethnicity, race, and religion.
There are many different ways that couples decide to get married. While it is true that there are some traditions that have lasted through centuries and across various cultures, a great deal of what happens during a wedding is unique to the couple tying the knot. This is because a wedding is a celebration of the love that two people share. If you are currently planning for your own wedding, you might feel as if there are a lot of decisions to make and you may not be sure which choices are going to fit your needs best.
One of the best ways to feel inspired for your own wedding is by taking a look at what other couples are currently doing for their ceremonies and receptions. This is a great way for you to see if there are some good ideas out there waiting to be discovered. It also can help you to figure out what to avoid for your wedding. Some trends tend to get a bit peculiar. Take a look at these odd wedding trends that are currently circulating around the marriage circuit and see for yourself.
A Change of Face
You have most likely heard about brides who ask a lot of their bridesmaids. There are plenty of horror stories out there telling tales of hideous bridesmaid dresses and lavish bachelorette parties that cost everyone involved a small fortune. While this can be stressful, it is far from the worst. One of the most bizarre and somewhat terrible wedding trends that has popped up in recent years is the bride asking her bridesmaids to get plastic surgery. It might seem like a joke from a movie, but this is a trend that is on the rise.
Essentially, this is a situation where a bride want s all of her bridesmaids to look perfect for her wedding. To the bride, this means that each person needs to have a perfect face and body. To ensure that nothing goes wrong, brides have been known to ask the members of their wedding party to get Botox injections or a breast lift. While you probably aren’t going to ask this of your bridesmaids, looking at the details can help you to feel better about the personal demands you are placing on the women in your party.
Internet Sensations and Trends
No matter how cynical a person might be, he or she has definitely watched at least one wedding video on the internet. There are so many amazing videos of wedding parties erupting into flash mobs or brides and grooms going above and beyond to bring their partners to tears of joy. While it can be incredibly sweet to watch these videos and feel the love being shared, you also may want to avoid doing anything this sensational at your own wedding. A current trend amongst couples is to have a wedding that winds up on YouTube.
The trouble with trying to film something at your wedding to go on the internet is that you are going to be playing with the natural flow of the evening. Filming something can be challenging. If you spend your entire wedding trying to organize a YouTube hit, then you are going to be losing track of the primary reason that you are at the wedding. Upload videos of your wedding to the internet if you see fit, but don’t get too caught up in the process and forget why you and your significant other are there.
Weird and Wonderful Trends
When you want to feel inspired for your coming wedding, there are plenty of excellent resources to explore. Research more unusual wedding trends that are currently popular and see if any stand out to you. You will easily be able to learn what will and what will not work for your big day.
Sometimes, role models come from the least expected places. In 1940, in a small village in Kenya, over 12,000 km from Toronto, a young girl was born to a farmer and his wife. She was named Wangari Muta Maathai. When she was a young girl, her family separated in order to send her and her brothers to school. Her dad lived on a farm where he found work, and her mom lived near the school. Later, Wangari would go to a Catholic high school in Limuru. Through a strange twist of fate and politics, she received a scholarship to study at a college in Kansas, where she earned a Bachelor of Science. From there, she went to the University of Pittsburgh (Pennsylvania) where she would earn a master’s degree in biology. It was here she was introduced to environmental restoration. When Wangari completed her degree, she returned to Kenya, believing she had an appointment as a research assistant at the University College of Nairobi.
When she went to her new job, she discovered the position had been given to someone else. Wangari suspectd gender or tribal bias. She found another position, then went on to earn a Ph.D. at a European university. In the mid-1970s, she would become the first woman in Nairobi appointed as chair of a department and as an associate professor. It was during this time of campaigning for equal benefits for women on the staff that she became involved in civic organizations. Through her work and research, she determined that many of Kenya’s problems stemmed from environmental degradation.
The Green Belt Movement
Wangari encouraged women in Kenya to plant tree nurseries. Each seedling that was later planted in another location provided a small stipend to the woman who grew the tree. This program started out as “Save the Land Harambee,” but changed name to the Green Belt Movement. This movement encouraged women to work together to restore the trees, which provided fuel and firewood and stopped soil erosion. At a time when unemployment was rising, every dollar counted in the family and community.
The Green Belt Movement encouraged education, not only in environmental issues, but civic issues too. The leaders of the movement advocated for accountability from national leaders in Kenya. Wangari had faced political opposition before she ever started Green Belt, but following the organization of her efforts, the Kenyan government opposed her efforts and attempted to prevent her from registering voters. Her own government called her “a crazy woman,” but she continued to fight for environmental and civic rights in Kenya. She earned multiple international awards for her work with Kenyan women, but her own government arrested her. She was targeted for assassination, but she never lost sight of her cause.
In 2004, she was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize “for her contribution to sustainable development, democracy and peace.” It was the first time an African woman won the prize, and she was the first environmentalist to earn the title. Until her death in 2011, she continued her work in government, sustainability, and peace.
The Green Belt Movement goes on under new leadership. In 2014, over 430,000 trees were planted in communities in Kenya. Stable communities create stable governments, which is why its work is so important to the country. Green Belt’s efforts now include sustainable energy and clean water. Wangari believed that a “values-based society was a prerequisite for prosperity and that empowering women was a key to breaking the cycle of poverty.”
Wangari is a role model for everyone. If you can find a copy of “Unbowed: A Memoir,” it’s a book worth picking up to see how this woman from a small village went on to become a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.
The United Nations has designated October 17 as the International Day for the Eradication of Poverty. According to Globalissues.org, over three billion people, or half of the world’s population, live on less than $3.29CAD per day. In Canada, according to the Standing Committee on Human Resources, about 14 percent of the population have what is called “low income.” That means they make less than half of the median income, but the group is not truly labeled poor. Lack of income is just one way of measuring poverty. Because Canada is one of the wealthiest countries in the world, we shouldn’t have almost five million people living without food or housing.
Although organizations measure poverty differently, it is agreed that certain subsets of Canadians are worse off than others. Aboriginal Canadians tend to make about 30 percent less than the rest of the population. Immigrants, seniors and those with disabilities are also at a higher risk of being affected by poverty. UNICEF measures child poverty, even in rich nations. Canada has 13.3 percent of its children living in poverty, compared to the average 11 percent in the other 35 economically advanced countries.
How Are You Affected By Poverty?
You may have a roof over your head and food in your refrigerator and get regular health care. However, poverty is a significant burden on the economy. It’s estimated that poverty costs Ontario about 6 percent of its Gross Domestic Product each year. Those who live in poverty have higher health care expenses, because their health is exacerbated by not having their basic needs met. Poverty shortens a person’s life by about 21 years. About 200,000 Canadians experience homelessness each year, and the figures are increasing due to the rising costs of housing and rising debt levels.
Personally, you may not ever experience poverty or have a reason to be concerned about knowing where your next meal is coming from. That’s not the reality for many of your neighbors. Whether or not you know these people, you should be aware of the effects of poverty on your community and the country. It takes more resources to help those individuals. Students who don’t have enough don’t learn effectively. Men and women who don’t have a home often don’t have a job. It hurts everyone when those people have to be supported.
A Plan to Reduce Poverty
In 2016, the Standing Committee on Human Resources developed a National Anti-Poverty Plan that recommends how poverty can be eradicated in our country. It’s been argued that investing in reducing child poverty has a huge return on future spending by the government in social assistance, criminal justice and the health system. This plan is comprehensive and considerate. It is guided by human rights, ensuring that those in need have dignity in getting assistance. It includes:
Early childhood education and care that is publicly funded
Investment for indigenous education and economic development
Improvements to the Old Age Security and Guaranteed Income Supplement programs to lift seniors out of poverty
Development of a policy concerning right to food
Improving the nutritional programs in the country
Implementing a national pharmacy program for prescription drug care for everyone
Federal minimum wage increases
Many organizations will be pushing the government to make steps in reducing poverty in Canada. The plan has been released but not accepted by Parliament. Join the Twitter or Facebook feed of Citizens for Public Justice to follow its progress and to learn how you can help. It’s going to take each of us to work together to make a difference in the lives of all. “It is never acceptable for a rich country to do nothing about poverty, and now is certainly not the time,” said Leilani Farha, Canada Without Poverty’s Executive Director. “The rights of 4.8 million people are being violated and yet the Federal Government hardly seems concerned. Our plan lays out the framework for a successful national anti-poverty plan.”
Summer might be half over, but there is still plenty of travel time before the snow flies to visit some great sites in our country. Let’s take a look at some of the most interesting places to see to learn more about other faiths and to experience the peace and power of the past.
Basilica of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupré, Quebec
The peak season to make a pilgrimage to this stunning basilica along the Saint Lawrence River is July 26, the feast of St. Anne, who is the patron saint of Quebec. Many believe St. Anne intercedes for the pious to obtain miracles. Building began on the present-day basilica in 1926 and was finished in 1946, but the land where the building sits was donated to the Catholic Church in 1658. The building is not only home to the Catholic Church, it’s also a beautiful piece of architecture. Over half a million people come to the basilica annually.
Saint Joseph’s Oratory, Montreal
Saint Joseph’s Oratory is a minor basilica, but it is the largest church in Canada. Construction began on a small chapel in 1904. In 1924, construction started on the basilica, but this was not completed until 1967. The dome of the basilica is the third-largest in the world. About two million visitors come to the basilica each year. On the 100th anniversary of the Oratory, it was designated as a National Historic Site of Canada.
Petroglyphs Provincial Park, Woodview, Ontario
The Park is another National Historic Site, designated as the largest collection of First Nation rock carvings in Ontario. The glyphs are an important part of the history, but the rock site is a sacred place to the local Ojibwe people. The visitor center offers a great deal of information about the site and has a children’s hands-on activity room and a movie about the site. You won’t be allowed to photograph or videotape the rock carvings out of respect for the spirituality of the site.
Valley of the Ten Peaks, Banff National Park, Alberta
When you think of crystal-clear water, you might think of the Caribbean. But there’s a site right in this great country that features a crystal-clear blue-green lake surrounded by ten mountains giving you beautiful scenes and a calm atmosphere. The secluded valley is thought to be the home of the Nakoda, who are also known as the Stoney Indians. Although the mountains have been given individual names, at one time they were simply known by the numbers one through 10.
Majorville Medicine Wheel, South Alberta
A medicine wheel is a stone circle built by the First Nation tribes. Sites containing them are thought to have religious, astronomical and calendrical significance for the tribes. The one at Majorville features one of the most complex designs for a site of this nature. The aesthetic value is preserved because it overlooks an undisturbed native prairie. There are many other medicine wheels to visit in Canada. Saskatchewan boasts three:
Roy Rivers medicine wheel
Turtle medicine wheel
Tipperary Creek medicine wheel
Martyrs’ Shrine, Ontario
The Canadian Jesuit Martyrs’ Shrine is consecrated to the memory of Canadian and Jesuit martyrs, including Isaac Jogues (1607-1646), who was captured by the Iroquois, tortured and lost his fingers before being made a slave. He escaped and went to France, then returned to Canada to be a missionary. He was martyred at the age of 39. The shrine was consecrated in 1926. It’s only open through the summer season, because it was not built with insulation. There are a number of guided walking tours throughout the grounds to explore the monuments that have been erected.
You don’t have to be Catholic or a native First Nations people to visit one of these beautiful sites and experience the spirituality associated with the location. Take some time to see what’s in our great nation.
On September 13, “The Bachelorette Canada” premieres on W Network. The American show, “The Bachelorette” has been a popular mainstay of summer television for a number of years. The premise is simple. A group of men compete for the hand of a single woman. Each week, the bachelorette narrows the field until there is just one left. The men and woman go on dates, sometimes one-on-one, sometimes as a group, to explore the local culture and get to know each other. It’s anticipated that the final date will be a proposal, but no one really knows for sure until the end. During the final episode of the U.S. version of “The Bachelorette” that just aired, one big storyline was that of the men asking the bachelorette’s dad for permission to marry his daughter.
JoJo was this season’s bachelorette. She had expected a proposal during her season on “The Bachelor,” but it was not to be. She was then given the opportunity to be the star of her own season, and viewers saw her go through many dates around the world finally narrowing her choices to Jordan and Robby. When the two men met the parents (on separate days), they each had discussions about the importance of JoJo’s family and how much JoJo wanted her parents to approve of her future husband. Robby did talk to JoJo’s father and ask his permission to ask JoJo to marry him. Jordan did not. Robby was ready to propose to JoJo, but she did not give him the opportunity. When she finally met with Jordan, the discussion revolved around how disappointed she was that he never got her father’s permission to propose to her. He made a call and talked to her father, then proposed. JoJo said yes.
Do Adults Need Parental Permission to Get Engaged?
In days past, a woman was considered the property of her father. When she married, her father would lose her work toward the household duties. She would be required to get her father’s permission to marry. For centuries, women were not allowed to own property themselves and they almost always needed a patriarchal figure. Fortunately, this has begun to change over the years, and there are no such limitations. “The Bachelorette” reminded Americans of this custom and many people wonder if a woman really needs permission to get engaged or to get married.
JoJo is an adult who was fairly established in her career and life’s path. She made it clear to Jordan that the tradition was important to her, but not because she was subject to her parents. This is a valid point. She also communicated her needs to Jordan very clearly so that he understood how much it meant to her. It seemed to be about family, not the permission. She wanted her family included in her decision.
Many women today aren’t as traditional. Family is complicated and complex. Today’s brides might have absentee dads or moms. What’s a groom to do when there isn’t a dad? What should a same-sex couple do when asking parents for permission? Which person asks permission if two women are being married? How should a groom act if the bride is much older, with children of her own or with deceased parents? How are you to know if you should ask permission before you get engaged? And, what are you going to do if the parents say no, should you ask?
The Solution?
When two people are considering marriage, it’s important to talk about what’s important to each person. Communication of your expectations is the only way to know what you should do. The tradition may seem outdated in today’s society, but it’s not necessarily about patriarchal permission. Before you take steps to propose, ask your partner about his or her thoughts. Then proceed accordingly.
For some engaged or newly married Canadians, life’s journey will take them south of the border on a more permanent basis. Employment opportunities, enterprise, education or even the union itself may mean a move to the United States. Thousands of Canadians leave the Great White North each year to parts south. Almost 2% of the 42 million immigrants within the US hail from the nation whose name descends from the St. Lawrence Iroquoian word Kanata, which translates to “village” or “sentiment.” While the two nations share the world’s longest border and other cultural elements, there’s a lot that you might not know about life in the States. Here are some things you should do before and right after you move.
Deciding Where To Live In The U.S.
The United States is the world’s third-most-populous nation behind China and India. It’s also the third in size by total area. It’s a place that has diverse regions in terms of climate and culture. You shouldn’t assume that you know what a place is like based on media and literature. The largest city, New York City, is itself a collection of various neighborhoods with various influences and personalities. If work and education are bringing you south of the border, the location may dictate your choices. Canada is a place that is intimately familiar with very cold temperatures in the winter. Parts of the Southern and Western United States have mild winters and extremely hot summers. The cost of living varies greatly from place to place. Keep all these in mind as you plan.
Applying for a Social Security Number
A social security number (SSN) is a nine-digit number assigned to citizens, permanent residents and temporary workers by the Social Security Administration, an agency of the federal government. This number acts sort of as a national ID for taxation and other purposes. Often various records for credit, education, health care and employment are sorted and indexed using the SSN. You will need an SSN to do the following:
Open an account with a financial institution
Complete a tax return
Apply for a driver’s license
Apply for a federal loan
Secure some types of public assistance
Opening a Bank Account In The U.S.
Having a checking account with a US bank is convenient for depositing paychecks and withdrawing money to pay bills and make purchases. Once you have your SSN and a mailing address, you’ll need to pick a bank or credit union for your money. Think about the type of personal banking features you’ll need, such as debit cards, automatic teller machines, branch locations and online access. You should go with an institution that has locations and amenities that are convenient to your lifestyle.
Establishing Credit
Building credit in the United States is an important part of putting down roots. If you want to finance a home or car purchase, lenders will look at your credit history to see how likely you are to repay your debts in full. If you want to rent an apartment, open an account with a utility provider or even work for some companies, your credit history will be reviewed. Having Canadian credit may not be enough for you to do all the things you need to do. Consider applying for a secured or prepaid credit card to start building a borrowing history stateside. By paying your balance on time each month, you’ll slowly build good credit to be eligible for the most favorable loan terms and conditions.
Starting a new phase of life in a new place can be very exciting, especially in the United States. There is much to offer, but it’s important to attend to a few matters as soon as possible. Think carefully about the life that you and your partner want to have and plan accordingly.
From the time most girls are little, they start to plan the wedding of their dreams. It can seem as if the groom’s only job is to wait at the altar for the bride to show up. The wedding planning may be the bride’s venue, but as a groom, you can certainly get involved. This celebration commemorates the love you have for each other.
A Supportive Groom
Instead of letting one person take care of everything, both of you should be actively engaged in the planning. Here are some tips to help a groom be supportive and to have a say in what should be the most memorable day of your life.
Have opinions. Even though the details may seem minute to you, it’s important for the bride to see that you are engaged with the process. Be diplomatic when you really aren’t sure what the difference is.
Take care of your relationship through this time. You may be required to go through pre-marital counseling. Use that time as a stepping stone to build a better partnership.
Register for gifts with your bride. Use the time to learn more about her tastes and style instead of looking at it as a long shopping trip.
Help with the research of venues, caterers, or other vendors. Offer to help look for photographers or rental companies for the tuxes. Talk to friends or family members who have recently gotten married and ask them to share advice about their experience.
Go to the meetings with the vendors when you can. Not only will you share the time with your bride, but you also help take the pressure off her during planning.
Deal with your family during the planning and wedding. This may mean that you have to stand up to your mom when she inserts herself into the mix. Don’t expect your bride to mediate with your parents or siblings over wedding details. Work it out together, then make the decision known to everyone.
Be the stress relief. Take time out of your schedule to make sure you have dates with your bride that aren’t about the wedding. Make sure she has days to relax with her friends to help keep her sane. The closer the wedding gets, the more stressed she may feel. Being the helpmate before you ever get married will bring you closer together.
Don’t shirk on your responsibilities to your groomsmen. Pick out the gifts for the guys yourself. Schedule fitting times to meet with the guys, and stay on top of your own planning. If you have friends who may get out of line during the party and reception, talk to them beforehand and have a plan to deal with it.
Be appreciative. Thank the people who have been helpful in making the wedding happen. Help write thank-you notes for gifts that arrive.
Plan the honeymoon. Even though you may enjoy surprising your bride, don’t wait until the last minute to tell her where you’re going. Remember that the wedding night may not be all you expect. You both may be exhausted after the ceremony and reception, so don’t have so many expectations that it turns a positive day into a disappointing night.
Help Manage the Stress Instead of Adding to It
Every bride wants the perfect day for a wedding. You may have to be the voice of reason that reminds her that when something doesn’t go as planned, it’s okay. However, you can also do what you can to make sure things do go right. Help her check in with the vendors and wedding planner on the days before the ceremony. Ask her what you can do to help every step along the way so that you both get to the altar with less stress.
It’s hard enough to create a guest list for just adults, but dealing with kids at a wedding can be more complicated. When comes to young people, you have to decide first whether you want to and can include them at the affair. If you have space limitations, excluding children is a good place to start to keep the head count in check. If you decide to invite children, you do need to make some arrangements for them. Here are some thoughts to help you plan for children, or not, at your ceremony and reception.
Not Inviting Children
You should be prepared for people to ask you if their children are included on the invitation, even when it’s specifically addressed to just the parents. Have an answer ready, like, “no, we just can’t include children this time due to space parameters,” or “we need to limit the guest list.” If you’re allowing nieces, nephews or family members who are younger, say so. “We are only able to invite the children of our family.” It is very difficult to exclude children, but it is appropriate to only have those individuals at your wedding who you want. Just be tactful when you respond to people.
One additional note: It might be tempting to invite the kids to the ceremony only, but this isn’t recommended. Imagine how you would feel attending the service only to watch your friends or family go off to a party without you.
Inviting Children
Kids add a certain magic to a wedding because they experience it in a way adults cannot. Still, unattended children could easily turn into a black magic moment. You have to plan for kids in attendance.
Make sure you are clear about which children are invited from each family. If space isn’t an issue, then just put “and family” on the invitation. When space is an issue, you’ll need to write out each person’s name.
Dictate seating appropriately. Don’t put one adult at a table with lots of kids. Certainly reconsider placing all the children at a table without supervision. You might even consider having a designated adult or teenager, or a hired babysitter, keep an eye on things. It would be a small price to pay to maintain semblance and order while allowing parents to dance and enjoy the party too.
Talk to the caterer about offering a separate child’s meal that is simple and easy and something little ones will eat, such as chicken fingers or pizza. You might also request that the kids get served first because they won’t be as patient as adults. A sundae bar makes a great dessert option.
Keep the kids entertained. Set up a movie room or have goodie bags with crayons and color books. Place a few board games off to the side for after dinner. Provide diversions to keep everyone occupied.
Stay calm and have a sense of humor about the way the kids act. Ask your photographer to get those special moments of the kids dancing or sticking their fingers in the cake when no one’s looking. You can’t control every moment, so you might as well relax and just have fun with them.
Don’t apologize for giving your young friends the opportunity to take part in your wedding day. Children need to see these special moments to understand the world. However, you also don’t need to apologize for limiting your guest list and not allowing every child to attend. It’s your wedding and you need to make the best choices for you and your spouse. Do what needs to be done and stand firm. Just be prepared to deal with whichever option you choose to make the most of your ceremony and reception.
May 21 is the United Nations designated international holiday to promote inclusivity and diversity. The World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development was adopted after the 9/11 terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington D.C. This year, the Third World Forum on Intercultural Dialogue takes place in Baku, Republic of Azerbaijan on the theme: “Sharing Culture for a Shared Security” in May. Five different international organizations have planned this conference for world leaders to promote cultural awareness.
Why Is Diversity Important?
Almost all of the world’s major conflicts have an aspect of cultural dimension. Understanding the differences in cultures and religions builds bridges on what is common to everyone. Acknowledging the value of all cultures and ethnicities promotes inclusivity, according to Peter Mousaferiadis, creator of the 1st prize in the #DoOneThing video contest, “Diversified We Grow.” The video is available on YouTube, and it is a nice introduction to the question of why diversity is so vital in today’s multiracial world.
What Can You Do to Promote Diversity?
The UN offers these 10 suggestions for individuals and families who can’t attend an international conference.
Watch a movie or read a book about a religion other than your own.
Have dinner with another family whose background is much different than yours.
Visit museums and art exhibits that celebrate other cultures and traditions.
Study philosophers and historians from other countries to gain a different perspective.
Attend a worship service outside of your own religion. Contact the leader before you attend if you are concerned about the worship traditions and participation.
Play a game in which you put a post-it with the name of country on it on your forehead. Others tell you stereotypes about the country and you have to guess which one it is.
Read the ULC blog and others for information about celebrations around the world, such as Hanukkah, the Holi Festival of Colors, or the Chinese New Year.
Talk about your own culture with your family.
Listen to music from around the world.
Invite others to speak to your group about their traditions.
Join the Facebook campaign at “Do One Thing For Diversity and Inclusion” for more ideas about encouraging inclusivity in your community. This grassroots campaign encourages people to take action for diversity and promotes concrete ideas to do just that. There may be no way for you to change a conflict in Bangladesh, but you can prevent arguments in your community.
This campaign also sponsored the #DoOneThing video contest. The second place winner, “Tomato Story” By Lidiia Kozhevnikova is a very powerful story of how differences can be attractive. After you’ve found the first two videos, catch the third place winner, “Me and the differences” By Francesco Lucantoni. The contest is from 2013, but the message is timeless. Keep scrolling down the timeline and you’ll find a number of other cute videos with the same message.
Small Steps by Individuals Make Changes
A person’s cultural background affects their behavior and performance, but a person’s behavior and performance can also affect their culture. It’s important to understand how the dynamics of culture and religion shape a person, in order to challenge stereotypes and remove barriers between misunderstandings. None of these things happen overnight. It’s the small changes individuals make in their own lives that shifts the country’s thinking over time.
Join the celebration on May 21 by doing one thing to promote cultural diversity. Work within your own organization or church to encourage unity amid the differences in your community. The United Nations webpage on Cultural Diversity Day offers numerous resources both globally and locally. Promoting diversity discourages racism and intolerance. It starts with each person making strides to understand their neighbors.
On December 6, 1989, at l’Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal, 14 young women were gunned down by a man who was deliberately targeting women on the campus. This year marks the 26th anniversary of this tragic event, which is now commemorated by the Rose Campaign. The message heard around the country after this tragedy was “First Mourn, Then Work for Change.” Take this day as a message of hope for women who deal with violence.
Domestic Violence Statistics
Research indicates that more than 50 percent of women in Canada will experience some form of violence within their life. Younger women are more often targets of violence, and most women know their abuser. It’s estimated that this violence against women costs Canadians over $7 billion annually. It’s not just medical costs, but social services fees and lost productivity.
Women are not the only victims of domestic violence. Children witness these attacks, and it affects their own development. They cannot learn in school when they are scared of what will happen at home. When a child does see violence in the home, he or she is likely to develop long-term behavioral issues. This increases the costs associated with domestic violence, because the child may require therapy to address these issues and to be able to cope with the stress.
Who Is at Risk?
According to the Canadian Women’s Foundation, violence against women is not limited to certain ethnic or religious groups, nor is it limited to any particular age or income group. Whether you’re atheist or Christian, this problem relates to everyone in the country. Unfortunately, there is one group in Canada that has an increased risk. Women of the First Nations, Inuit and Métis are 3.5 times more likely to be victims of violence than non-Aboriginal women. In fact, they are eight times more likely to be killed by their partner. Immigrant women and those with a disability are also higher-risk victims. Sadly, often when women go to get help, they may be dismissed by the police, the medical team, or family members who don’t want to acknowledge that there is a problem.
December 6 Activities
The National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women was established in 1991 by Parliament. The flag is flown at half-mast on federal buildings. The day is also known as White Ribbon Day. Canadians wear white or purple ribbons to show their support to end violence against women. In some locations, a moment of silence is observed in remembrance of the victims and to demonstrate support.
The Rose Campaign is the main advocacy program that drives awareness of domestic violence in Canada. It started a Light the Night Against Violence movement across the nation as another way to draw attention. Many monuments, bridges, and buildings will be lit up in red to take a stand. Vancouver City Hall, Yellowknife City Hall, CN Tower, and Science World are just a few of the buildings that will be alight that night. In Ontario, there will be memorial services and candlelight vigils as part of the commemoration.
How You Can Take Action Against Violence
Reflect on these statistics to understand the problem. Consider your circle of female friends. Half of them have probably experienced some form of domestic violence over their lifetime. What would you do if they admitted it to you?
Participate in the activities on December 6 to show your support for ending domestic violence. The response cannot stop there. It’s important to speak up about violence when you see it in your community. Those who commit violence need to be encouraged to get help. Women who experience violence need a place to be safe. Be a beacon of light in your community and help to fight this awful crime that transcends age, ethnicity, race, and religion.
There are many different ways that couples decide to get married. While it is true that there are some traditions that have lasted through centuries and across various cultures, a great deal of what happens during a wedding is unique to the couple tying the knot. This is because a wedding is a celebration of the love that two people share. If you are currently planning for your own wedding, you might feel as if there are a lot of decisions to make and you may not be sure which choices are going to fit your needs best.
One of the best ways to feel inspired for your own wedding is by taking a look at what other couples are currently doing for their ceremonies and receptions. This is a great way for you to see if there are some good ideas out there waiting to be discovered. It also can help you to figure out what to avoid for your wedding. Some trends tend to get a bit peculiar. Take a look at these odd wedding trends that are currently circulating around the marriage circuit and see for yourself.
A Change of Face
You have most likely heard about brides who ask a lot of their bridesmaids. There are plenty of horror stories out there telling tales of hideous bridesmaid dresses and lavish bachelorette parties that cost everyone involved a small fortune. While this can be stressful, it is far from the worst. One of the most bizarre and somewhat terrible wedding trends that has popped up in recent years is the bride asking her bridesmaids to get plastic surgery. It might seem like a joke from a movie, but this is a trend that is on the rise.
Essentially, this is a situation where a bride want s all of her bridesmaids to look perfect for her wedding. To the bride, this means that each person needs to have a perfect face and body. To ensure that nothing goes wrong, brides have been known to ask the members of their wedding party to get Botox injections or a breast lift. While you probably aren’t going to ask this of your bridesmaids, looking at the details can help you to feel better about the personal demands you are placing on the women in your party.
Internet Sensations and Trends
No matter how cynical a person might be, he or she has definitely watched at least one wedding video on the internet. There are so many amazing videos of wedding parties erupting into flash mobs or brides and grooms going above and beyond to bring their partners to tears of joy. While it can be incredibly sweet to watch these videos and feel the love being shared, you also may want to avoid doing anything this sensational at your own wedding. A current trend amongst couples is to have a wedding that winds up on YouTube.
The trouble with trying to film something at your wedding to go on the internet is that you are going to be playing with the natural flow of the evening. Filming something can be challenging. If you spend your entire wedding trying to organize a YouTube hit, then you are going to be losing track of the primary reason that you are at the wedding. Upload videos of your wedding to the internet if you see fit, but don’t get too caught up in the process and forget why you and your significant other are there.
Weird and Wonderful Trends
When you want to feel inspired for your coming wedding, there are plenty of excellent resources to explore. Research more unusual wedding trends that are currently popular and see if any stand out to you. You will easily be able to learn what will and what will not work for your big day.
Sometimes, role models come from the least expected places. In 1940, in a small village in Kenya, over 12,000 km from Toronto, a young girl was born to a farmer and his wife. She was named Wangari Muta Maathai. When she was a young girl, her family separated in order to send her and her brothers to school. Her dad lived on a farm where he found work, and her mom lived near the school. Later, Wangari would go to a Catholic high school in Limuru. Through a strange twist of fate and politics, she received a scholarship to study at a college in Kansas, where she earned a Bachelor of Science. From there, she went to the University of Pittsburgh (Pennsylvania) where she would earn a master’s degree in biology. It was here she was introduced to environmental restoration. When Wangari completed her degree, she returned to Kenya, believing she had an appointment as a research assistant at the University College of Nairobi.
When she went to her new job, she discovered the position had been given to someone else. Wangari suspectd gender or tribal bias. She found another position, then went on to earn a Ph.D. at a European university. In the mid-1970s, she would become the first woman in Nairobi appointed as chair of a department and as an associate professor. It was during this time of campaigning for equal benefits for women on the staff that she became involved in civic organizations. Through her work and research, she determined that many of Kenya’s problems stemmed from environmental degradation.
The Green Belt Movement
Wangari encouraged women in Kenya to plant tree nurseries. Each seedling that was later planted in another location provided a small stipend to the woman who grew the tree. This program started out as “Save the Land Harambee,” but changed name to the Green Belt Movement. This movement encouraged women to work together to restore the trees, which provided fuel and firewood and stopped soil erosion. At a time when unemployment was rising, every dollar counted in the family and community.
The Green Belt Movement encouraged education, not only in environmental issues, but civic issues too. The leaders of the movement advocated for accountability from national leaders in Kenya. Wangari had faced political opposition before she ever started Green Belt, but following the organization of her efforts, the Kenyan government opposed her efforts and attempted to prevent her from registering voters. Her own government called her “a crazy woman,” but she continued to fight for environmental and civic rights in Kenya. She earned multiple international awards for her work with Kenyan women, but her own government arrested her. She was targeted for assassination, but she never lost sight of her cause.
In 2004, she was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize “for her contribution to sustainable development, democracy and peace.” It was the first time an African woman won the prize, and she was the first environmentalist to earn the title. Until her death in 2011, she continued her work in government, sustainability, and peace.
The Green Belt Movement goes on under new leadership. In 2014, over 430,000 trees were planted in communities in Kenya. Stable communities create stable governments, which is why its work is so important to the country. Green Belt’s efforts now include sustainable energy and clean water. Wangari believed that a “values-based society was a prerequisite for prosperity and that empowering women was a key to breaking the cycle of poverty.”
Wangari is a role model for everyone. If you can find a copy of “Unbowed: A Memoir,” it’s a book worth picking up to see how this woman from a small village went on to become a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.
The United Nations has designated October 17 as the International Day for the Eradication of Poverty. According to Globalissues.org, over three billion people, or half of the world’s population, live on less than $3.29CAD per day. In Canada, according to the Standing Committee on Human Resources, about 14 percent of the population have what is called “low income.” That means they make less than half of the median income, but the group is not truly labeled poor. Lack of income is just one way of measuring poverty. Because Canada is one of the wealthiest countries in the world, we shouldn’t have almost five million people living without food or housing.
Although organizations measure poverty differently, it is agreed that certain subsets of Canadians are worse off than others. Aboriginal Canadians tend to make about 30 percent less than the rest of the population. Immigrants, seniors and those with disabilities are also at a higher risk of being affected by poverty. UNICEF measures child poverty, even in rich nations. Canada has 13.3 percent of its children living in poverty, compared to the average 11 percent in the other 35 economically advanced countries.
How Are You Affected By Poverty?
You may have a roof over your head and food in your refrigerator and get regular health care. However, poverty is a significant burden on the economy. It’s estimated that poverty costs Ontario about 6 percent of its Gross Domestic Product each year. Those who live in poverty have higher health care expenses, because their health is exacerbated by not having their basic needs met. Poverty shortens a person’s life by about 21 years. About 200,000 Canadians experience homelessness each year, and the figures are increasing due to the rising costs of housing and rising debt levels.
Personally, you may not ever experience poverty or have a reason to be concerned about knowing where your next meal is coming from. That’s not the reality for many of your neighbors. Whether or not you know these people, you should be aware of the effects of poverty on your community and the country. It takes more resources to help those individuals. Students who don’t have enough don’t learn effectively. Men and women who don’t have a home often don’t have a job. It hurts everyone when those people have to be supported.
A Plan to Reduce Poverty
In 2016, the Standing Committee on Human Resources developed a National Anti-Poverty Plan that recommends how poverty can be eradicated in our country. It’s been argued that investing in reducing child poverty has a huge return on future spending by the government in social assistance, criminal justice and the health system. This plan is comprehensive and considerate. It is guided by human rights, ensuring that those in need have dignity in getting assistance. It includes:
Early childhood education and care that is publicly funded
Investment for indigenous education and economic development
Improvements to the Old Age Security and Guaranteed Income Supplement programs to lift seniors out of poverty
Development of a policy concerning right to food
Improving the nutritional programs in the country
Implementing a national pharmacy program for prescription drug care for everyone
Federal minimum wage increases
Many organizations will be pushing the government to make steps in reducing poverty in Canada. The plan has been released but not accepted by Parliament. Join the Twitter or Facebook feed of Citizens for Public Justice to follow its progress and to learn how you can help. It’s going to take each of us to work together to make a difference in the lives of all. “It is never acceptable for a rich country to do nothing about poverty, and now is certainly not the time,” said Leilani Farha, Canada Without Poverty’s Executive Director. “The rights of 4.8 million people are being violated and yet the Federal Government hardly seems concerned. Our plan lays out the framework for a successful national anti-poverty plan.”
Summer might be half over, but there is still plenty of travel time before the snow flies to visit some great sites in our country. Let’s take a look at some of the most interesting places to see to learn more about other faiths and to experience the peace and power of the past.
Basilica of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupré, Quebec
The peak season to make a pilgrimage to this stunning basilica along the Saint Lawrence River is July 26, the feast of St. Anne, who is the patron saint of Quebec. Many believe St. Anne intercedes for the pious to obtain miracles. Building began on the present-day basilica in 1926 and was finished in 1946, but the land where the building sits was donated to the Catholic Church in 1658. The building is not only home to the Catholic Church, it’s also a beautiful piece of architecture. Over half a million people come to the basilica annually.
Saint Joseph’s Oratory, Montreal
Saint Joseph’s Oratory is a minor basilica, but it is the largest church in Canada. Construction began on a small chapel in 1904. In 1924, construction started on the basilica, but this was not completed until 1967. The dome of the basilica is the third-largest in the world. About two million visitors come to the basilica each year. On the 100th anniversary of the Oratory, it was designated as a National Historic Site of Canada.
Petroglyphs Provincial Park, Woodview, Ontario
The Park is another National Historic Site, designated as the largest collection of First Nation rock carvings in Ontario. The glyphs are an important part of the history, but the rock site is a sacred place to the local Ojibwe people. The visitor center offers a great deal of information about the site and has a children’s hands-on activity room and a movie about the site. You won’t be allowed to photograph or videotape the rock carvings out of respect for the spirituality of the site.
Valley of the Ten Peaks, Banff National Park, Alberta
When you think of crystal-clear water, you might think of the Caribbean. But there’s a site right in this great country that features a crystal-clear blue-green lake surrounded by ten mountains giving you beautiful scenes and a calm atmosphere. The secluded valley is thought to be the home of the Nakoda, who are also known as the Stoney Indians. Although the mountains have been given individual names, at one time they were simply known by the numbers one through 10.
Majorville Medicine Wheel, South Alberta
A medicine wheel is a stone circle built by the First Nation tribes. Sites containing them are thought to have religious, astronomical and calendrical significance for the tribes. The one at Majorville features one of the most complex designs for a site of this nature. The aesthetic value is preserved because it overlooks an undisturbed native prairie. There are many other medicine wheels to visit in Canada. Saskatchewan boasts three:
Roy Rivers medicine wheel
Turtle medicine wheel
Tipperary Creek medicine wheel
Martyrs’ Shrine, Ontario
The Canadian Jesuit Martyrs’ Shrine is consecrated to the memory of Canadian and Jesuit martyrs, including Isaac Jogues (1607-1646), who was captured by the Iroquois, tortured and lost his fingers before being made a slave. He escaped and went to France, then returned to Canada to be a missionary. He was martyred at the age of 39. The shrine was consecrated in 1926. It’s only open through the summer season, because it was not built with insulation. There are a number of guided walking tours throughout the grounds to explore the monuments that have been erected.
You don’t have to be Catholic or a native First Nations people to visit one of these beautiful sites and experience the spirituality associated with the location. Take some time to see what’s in our great nation.
On September 13, “The Bachelorette Canada” premieres on W Network. The American show, “The Bachelorette” has been a popular mainstay of summer television for a number of years. The premise is simple. A group of men compete for the hand of a single woman. Each week, the bachelorette narrows the field until there is just one left. The men and woman go on dates, sometimes one-on-one, sometimes as a group, to explore the local culture and get to know each other. It’s anticipated that the final date will be a proposal, but no one really knows for sure until the end. During the final episode of the U.S. version of “The Bachelorette” that just aired, one big storyline was that of the men asking the bachelorette’s dad for permission to marry his daughter.
JoJo was this season’s bachelorette. She had expected a proposal during her season on “The Bachelor,” but it was not to be. She was then given the opportunity to be the star of her own season, and viewers saw her go through many dates around the world finally narrowing her choices to Jordan and Robby. When the two men met the parents (on separate days), they each had discussions about the importance of JoJo’s family and how much JoJo wanted her parents to approve of her future husband. Robby did talk to JoJo’s father and ask his permission to ask JoJo to marry him. Jordan did not. Robby was ready to propose to JoJo, but she did not give him the opportunity. When she finally met with Jordan, the discussion revolved around how disappointed she was that he never got her father’s permission to propose to her. He made a call and talked to her father, then proposed. JoJo said yes.
Do Adults Need Parental Permission to Get Engaged?
In days past, a woman was considered the property of her father. When she married, her father would lose her work toward the household duties. She would be required to get her father’s permission to marry. For centuries, women were not allowed to own property themselves and they almost always needed a patriarchal figure. Fortunately, this has begun to change over the years, and there are no such limitations. “The Bachelorette” reminded Americans of this custom and many people wonder if a woman really needs permission to get engaged or to get married.
JoJo is an adult who was fairly established in her career and life’s path. She made it clear to Jordan that the tradition was important to her, but not because she was subject to her parents. This is a valid point. She also communicated her needs to Jordan very clearly so that he understood how much it meant to her. It seemed to be about family, not the permission. She wanted her family included in her decision.
Many women today aren’t as traditional. Family is complicated and complex. Today’s brides might have absentee dads or moms. What’s a groom to do when there isn’t a dad? What should a same-sex couple do when asking parents for permission? Which person asks permission if two women are being married? How should a groom act if the bride is much older, with children of her own or with deceased parents? How are you to know if you should ask permission before you get engaged? And, what are you going to do if the parents say no, should you ask?
The Solution?
When two people are considering marriage, it’s important to talk about what’s important to each person. Communication of your expectations is the only way to know what you should do. The tradition may seem outdated in today’s society, but it’s not necessarily about patriarchal permission. Before you take steps to propose, ask your partner about his or her thoughts. Then proceed accordingly.
For some engaged or newly married Canadians, life’s journey will take them south of the border on a more permanent basis. Employment opportunities, enterprise, education or even the union itself may mean a move to the United States. Thousands of Canadians leave the Great White North each year to parts south. Almost 2% of the 42 million immigrants within the US hail from the nation whose name descends from the St. Lawrence Iroquoian word Kanata, which translates to “village” or “sentiment.” While the two nations share the world’s longest border and other cultural elements, there’s a lot that you might not know about life in the States. Here are some things you should do before and right after you move.
Deciding Where To Live In The U.S.
The United States is the world’s third-most-populous nation behind China and India. It’s also the third in size by total area. It’s a place that has diverse regions in terms of climate and culture. You shouldn’t assume that you know what a place is like based on media and literature. The largest city, New York City, is itself a collection of various neighborhoods with various influences and personalities. If work and education are bringing you south of the border, the location may dictate your choices. Canada is a place that is intimately familiar with very cold temperatures in the winter. Parts of the Southern and Western United States have mild winters and extremely hot summers. The cost of living varies greatly from place to place. Keep all these in mind as you plan.
Applying for a Social Security Number
A social security number (SSN) is a nine-digit number assigned to citizens, permanent residents and temporary workers by the Social Security Administration, an agency of the federal government. This number acts sort of as a national ID for taxation and other purposes. Often various records for credit, education, health care and employment are sorted and indexed using the SSN. You will need an SSN to do the following:
Open an account with a financial institution
Complete a tax return
Apply for a driver’s license
Apply for a federal loan
Secure some types of public assistance
Opening a Bank Account In The U.S.
Having a checking account with a US bank is convenient for depositing paychecks and withdrawing money to pay bills and make purchases. Once you have your SSN and a mailing address, you’ll need to pick a bank or credit union for your money. Think about the type of personal banking features you’ll need, such as debit cards, automatic teller machines, branch locations and online access. You should go with an institution that has locations and amenities that are convenient to your lifestyle.
Establishing Credit
Building credit in the United States is an important part of putting down roots. If you want to finance a home or car purchase, lenders will look at your credit history to see how likely you are to repay your debts in full. If you want to rent an apartment, open an account with a utility provider or even work for some companies, your credit history will be reviewed. Having Canadian credit may not be enough for you to do all the things you need to do. Consider applying for a secured or prepaid credit card to start building a borrowing history stateside. By paying your balance on time each month, you’ll slowly build good credit to be eligible for the most favorable loan terms and conditions.
Starting a new phase of life in a new place can be very exciting, especially in the United States. There is much to offer, but it’s important to attend to a few matters as soon as possible. Think carefully about the life that you and your partner want to have and plan accordingly.
From the time most girls are little, they start to plan the wedding of their dreams. It can seem as if the groom’s only job is to wait at the altar for the bride to show up. The wedding planning may be the bride’s venue, but as a groom, you can certainly get involved. This celebration commemorates the love you have for each other.
A Supportive Groom
Instead of letting one person take care of everything, both of you should be actively engaged in the planning. Here are some tips to help a groom be supportive and to have a say in what should be the most memorable day of your life.
Have opinions. Even though the details may seem minute to you, it’s important for the bride to see that you are engaged with the process. Be diplomatic when you really aren’t sure what the difference is.
Take care of your relationship through this time. You may be required to go through pre-marital counseling. Use that time as a stepping stone to build a better partnership.
Register for gifts with your bride. Use the time to learn more about her tastes and style instead of looking at it as a long shopping trip.
Help with the research of venues, caterers, or other vendors. Offer to help look for photographers or rental companies for the tuxes. Talk to friends or family members who have recently gotten married and ask them to share advice about their experience.
Go to the meetings with the vendors when you can. Not only will you share the time with your bride, but you also help take the pressure off her during planning.
Deal with your family during the planning and wedding. This may mean that you have to stand up to your mom when she inserts herself into the mix. Don’t expect your bride to mediate with your parents or siblings over wedding details. Work it out together, then make the decision known to everyone.
Be the stress relief. Take time out of your schedule to make sure you have dates with your bride that aren’t about the wedding. Make sure she has days to relax with her friends to help keep her sane. The closer the wedding gets, the more stressed she may feel. Being the helpmate before you ever get married will bring you closer together.
Don’t shirk on your responsibilities to your groomsmen. Pick out the gifts for the guys yourself. Schedule fitting times to meet with the guys, and stay on top of your own planning. If you have friends who may get out of line during the party and reception, talk to them beforehand and have a plan to deal with it.
Be appreciative. Thank the people who have been helpful in making the wedding happen. Help write thank-you notes for gifts that arrive.
Plan the honeymoon. Even though you may enjoy surprising your bride, don’t wait until the last minute to tell her where you’re going. Remember that the wedding night may not be all you expect. You both may be exhausted after the ceremony and reception, so don’t have so many expectations that it turns a positive day into a disappointing night.
Help Manage the Stress Instead of Adding to It
Every bride wants the perfect day for a wedding. You may have to be the voice of reason that reminds her that when something doesn’t go as planned, it’s okay. However, you can also do what you can to make sure things do go right. Help her check in with the vendors and wedding planner on the days before the ceremony. Ask her what you can do to help every step along the way so that you both get to the altar with less stress.
It’s hard enough to create a guest list for just adults, but dealing with kids at a wedding can be more complicated. When comes to young people, you have to decide first whether you want to and can include them at the affair. If you have space limitations, excluding children is a good place to start to keep the head count in check. If you decide to invite children, you do need to make some arrangements for them. Here are some thoughts to help you plan for children, or not, at your ceremony and reception.
Not Inviting Children
You should be prepared for people to ask you if their children are included on the invitation, even when it’s specifically addressed to just the parents. Have an answer ready, like, “no, we just can’t include children this time due to space parameters,” or “we need to limit the guest list.” If you’re allowing nieces, nephews or family members who are younger, say so. “We are only able to invite the children of our family.” It is very difficult to exclude children, but it is appropriate to only have those individuals at your wedding who you want. Just be tactful when you respond to people.
One additional note: It might be tempting to invite the kids to the ceremony only, but this isn’t recommended. Imagine how you would feel attending the service only to watch your friends or family go off to a party without you.
Inviting Children
Kids add a certain magic to a wedding because they experience it in a way adults cannot. Still, unattended children could easily turn into a black magic moment. You have to plan for kids in attendance.
Make sure you are clear about which children are invited from each family. If space isn’t an issue, then just put “and family” on the invitation. When space is an issue, you’ll need to write out each person’s name.
Dictate seating appropriately. Don’t put one adult at a table with lots of kids. Certainly reconsider placing all the children at a table without supervision. You might even consider having a designated adult or teenager, or a hired babysitter, keep an eye on things. It would be a small price to pay to maintain semblance and order while allowing parents to dance and enjoy the party too.
Talk to the caterer about offering a separate child’s meal that is simple and easy and something little ones will eat, such as chicken fingers or pizza. You might also request that the kids get served first because they won’t be as patient as adults. A sundae bar makes a great dessert option.
Keep the kids entertained. Set up a movie room or have goodie bags with crayons and color books. Place a few board games off to the side for after dinner. Provide diversions to keep everyone occupied.
Stay calm and have a sense of humor about the way the kids act. Ask your photographer to get those special moments of the kids dancing or sticking their fingers in the cake when no one’s looking. You can’t control every moment, so you might as well relax and just have fun with them.
Don’t apologize for giving your young friends the opportunity to take part in your wedding day. Children need to see these special moments to understand the world. However, you also don’t need to apologize for limiting your guest list and not allowing every child to attend. It’s your wedding and you need to make the best choices for you and your spouse. Do what needs to be done and stand firm. Just be prepared to deal with whichever option you choose to make the most of your ceremony and reception.
