Toast

Speaking With Confidence: Tips for Wedding Readings and Toasts
While being asked to speak at a wedding can make many people nervous, a little preparation can give you a boost of confidence in your speaking role.

While being asked to speak at a wedding can make many people nervous, a little preparation can give you a boost of confidence in your speaking role.

Your friends are getting married, and they’ve asked you to play an important part in their special day. Perhaps you’re one of the honor attendants or you’re giving a reading during the ceremony. The prospect of getting up and speaking in front of a bunch of people, even if they are friends and family, can make you feel anxious or even panicky. Fortunately, you can conquer your fears and give a great speech, reading, or toast by following some helpful advice.

Consider Your Content’s Structure

Whether you’re writing a toast or giving a ceremony reading, the structure of your content plays an important role in its delivery. The Knot’s Maggie Seaver suggests that toasts and speeches should be kept short and simple. Citing public speaking expert Jennifer Hester, Seaver describes a general format that you can follow: “Tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you’ve told them.” This formula keeps it simple and creates a clear beginning, middle, and ending in your speech.

Next comes the hard part: what to say. Huffington Post’s Kelsey Borresen shares useful recommendations from Simon Bucknall, author of “The Best Man Speaker: The Definitive Guide to the Best Man Speech.” Focus on positive personal attributes. Perhaps you admire your friend’s sense of humor, selfless generosity, or optimism during tough times. If you’re stuck for ideas, Bucknall suggests interviewing friends and family members. Don’t forget to take notes: You’ll need them later when you’re writing your speech. Also, stay away from touchy subjects or potentially offensive humor. The last thing you want to do is embarrass yourself or the couple when speaking publicly.

If you’re giving a ceremony reading, you’ll use a somewhat different approach. Wedding Wire’‘s Lindsay Pietroluongo stresses the importance of studying the reading text. Understanding its meaning is crucial: You’ll not only know what you’re saying, but you can also appropriately stress key words, phrases, or lines for emphasis.

Practicing Speaking Makes Perfect

Now that you have your content well in hand, practicing speaking is key to polishing your delivery. Brides’ Elizabeth Mitchell recommends frequent rehearsals to help yourself know your content, become familiar with the words, and fine-tune details such as speed and annunciation. The goal is not to eliminate your nervousness entirely, but to harness it and make it work for you. Non-verbal elements such as gestures and tone of voice make up a large part of how we communicate, so letting your emotions naturally come out makes your words come alive and your delivery more genuine.

As you rehearse your speech or reading, other tools and tips can aid in your preparation. Pietroluongo suggests practicing speaking in front of a mirror. Besides helping you remember to look up at your audience, you can also pay attention to your body language, facial expressions, and movement. Both Seaver and Mitchell recommend recording yourself and listening to the playback for filler words such as “um” and “uh,” excessive throat clearing, and other trouble spots. Also, consider rehearsing in front of a friend or family member you trust to provide honest feedback.

Don’t Forget Your Script

As confident as you may feel right before the big day, it’s still a good idea to bring written notes or a copy of the reading with you. This isn’t a poetry slam: No one’s expecting you to memorize. By making an outline or jotting down notes or photocopying your reading, you’ll give yourself some visual prompts and avoid either rambling or drawing a complete blank.

No matter whether you’ve spoken in front of a crowd once or a hundred times, it’s natural to feel nervous. Giving a ceremony reading, speech, or toast is an honor, and you want to do the best job possible. Remember to practice, mind your content, and above all, relax! You’ve got this. With preparation and a little confidence, you’ll do fine.

How to Honor Lost Loved Ones at Your Wedding
It is always great to have a moment to remember lost loved ones and celebrate the memories that you shared with them.

Remembering lost loved ones at your wedding is a great way to honor the lives that they lived.

A wedding is a special and joyous occasion for most people. Still, the events can be tinged with a bit of sadness in certain circumstances. When close loved ones or a relative has passed away before your wedding, it can leave a void. While coping with your sadness is a personal journey, there are ways to use your wedding to honor those who would have been there for you. A wedding is a celebration, so you want to avoid bringing down the mood too much. Luckily, there are several methods you can use to pay respect to those who have gone on.

It is very important to consider a few details before you come up with a plan for how to honor your lost loved ones. When someone has only recently passed away, the wound can still be quite raw and hard to deal with. Be sure to avoid upsetting your guests, especially if the person who has passed away was very close to the people in attendance. You will be able to properly pay tribute without ruining the overall celebratory mood of your special day when you use tact and caution while planning.

Incorporate a Memento For Your Lost Loved Ones

There are several natural ways to honor the people who have died during your wedding. We always carry the people we have lost with us in some way. You can take this sentiment to a very literal degree on your special day. Taking an article of clothing that once belonged to your departed loved one and incorporating it into your wedding attire can help you to add an emotional touch to your ensemble. This can be as simple as tying a ribbon from your grandmother’s hat around your bouquet or as complex as having a father’s suit re-tailored for a groom.

You also can incorporate mementos into the ceremony and reception in other ways. Instead of adding articles of clothing to your own outfit, you might want to think about adding different little touches. If the person who has passed on loved to play poker, for example, add a playing card to each of the centerpieces during the reception. The cards can even have a personalized inscription paying tribute to your departed loved one. These small adjustments to the décor can be subtle and still incredibly powerful.

A Simple Reminder

You also might want to think about adding a simple message about your deceased loved ones to the wedding program. While not all weddings feature programs, those that do can benefit from using some of the space to display a special sentiment. It can also be an interesting idea to consider speaking with the officiant before the ceremony and asking about different ways you can have the names of the departed incorporated into the readings. There are several easy ways to add in a moving tribute without having to weigh on the lighthearted atmosphere of the wedding.

Photos can be a good idea, too. Creating a touching collage of photos of you and the departed can create a nice walk down memory lane. You may also want to consider adding just one framed photo to the table where the guest book and table cards are located. This allows guests to pay their respects to the departed upon entering without feeling too emotionally upset by the reminder. Strike a balance that works for you and the situation, and the results will be effective.

Raise a Glass 

There are many different ways to use your wedding to honor the departed in your life. When all else fails, you might want to think about simply raising a glass and toasting to those who have passed away. Find the right fit for your big day without compromising the joyous celebration of the event, and you will be able to show your proper respects.