Self-Care

What You Should Know About Eloping

Couples Eloping is not anything new. For many engaged couples around the world, sharing life together as spouses is something to anticipate and celebrate. Engaged Canadian couples have much to look forward to, but sometimes the wedding itself can be a major source of stress. While the day is all about you and your partner, there are pressures, internal and external, that can inspire feelings of anxiety and dread. You have to make accommodations for the ceremony, including for loved ones. The idea of eloping grows more appealing each day, but you have misgivings about not excluding those who are near and dear. Is it selfish to elope? Here’s what you should know.

Exploring Elopement

Historically, eloping meant marrying someone suddenly and usually in secret. The implication was that you and your partner escaped from everyone else to tie the knot. In such cases, the marriage was solemnized without the approval of family, especially parents and in-laws. Sometimes couples would elope to avoid cultural and religious customs or requirements during the engagement period. Everyone would learn of the union after the fact. Nowadays, an inexpensive, no-muss, no-fuss ceremony is commonly described as an elopement, even with knowledge and participation from others.

Eloping While Making Yourself a Priority

Wedding celebrations have the ironic quality of being both about a couple’s needs and preferences and involving those who are near and dear. After all, in Canada, couples can be married by judges, justices of the peace, or court clerks, depending on provincial requirements. Many couples want to include loved ones, but even modest events can be daunting. Honoring traditions, securing approval from others, and even bankrolling the event can be stressful. You might think that eloping is selfish, but consider these truths:

  • It’s self-care, not selfishness: How ironic and sad it would be if the so-called happiest day of your life was marred by stress and anxiety? You’re entitled to do what’s necessary to take care of yourself.
  • It’s a celebration of you and your spouse: Others’ opinions aren’t unimportant, but ultimately, you know what’s best.
  • It’s your special day: At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is tying the knot with the love of your life. It’s your wedding, and you’ll elope if you want to!
  • It should be a day you remember fondly: As with most couples, you’ll acknowledge each anniversary with celebration and reflection. You want your wedding day to be something that makes you smile, not wince.

Eloping And Calling Others In

Eliminating stress and saving money are worthwhile goals, but you can also soften the blow of elopement with communication and inclusion. Consider these tips:

  • Tell others why you want to elope: Being honest about your motivations and fears helps to mitigate hurt feelings.
  • Hold space for others’ feelings: It’s ok to validate how friends and family feel about not being included.
  • Invite others to participate: Look for ways to include the ones you love in your elopement plans, as appropriate. You can also invite them to help you shop for wedding attire or other pre-ceremony traditions, even if they’re scaled back.
  • Throw an engagement party: Have a party for those who are closest and inform them of your plans then.
  • Throw a post-wedding get-together: While you should still let people know ahead of time, a post-wedding party is an opportunity to bring your special people together to celebrate.
  • Bring others “along” for the fun: Going live or sharing videos and images from your elopement on social media keeps family and friends in the loop. This is especially a good idea if you have a destination wedding or honeymoon.

Eloping isn’t selfish, even if you are “escaping” the pressure of a big wedding with all the bells and whistles. While there are ways to include special people in your plans, it’s ultimately about what’s best for you and your partner. It’s your marriage. You get to decide how to kick things off.

Don’t Forget To Focus on Yourself

It is important to look after yourself. Building successful relationships is all about learning how to best live and work with others. Unfortunately, many people make the mistake of neglecting their own needs and instead focusing primarily on what other people require. This is most common in romantic relationships, with people often putting in a lot of effort to ensure their partners and families are happy. While being selfless can be important, there is also a lot to be said for learning to focus on your own needs. Review these suggestions and discover how to achieve this goal.

Place Importance On Yourself With Alone Time

Being alone is a gift that many people take for granted. Once you’re married and have children, the idea of spending an hour or two by yourself can seem like a long-forgotten dream. How can you spend time by yourself when there are so many tasks and responsibilities to focus on? Even though your schedule might be crowded with obligations, you absolutely need to take time alone whenever possible. Research suggests that being alone without mental stimulation from others is crucial for the mind to rest and recharge. 

When every second of available time is being put into handling issues with your family, friends, or even workplace associates, you will find your stress levels are much more difficult to manage. Taking a small chunk each day for you, even if it is only to sit alone and indulge in some silence, is absolutely necessary for your mental health.

Connect With Friends

Marriage tends to change a person’s priorities. The more you are focused on strengthening your bond with your partner, the easier it is to let other relationships fall to the wayside. Though your significant other plays a pivotal part in your life, you should try and put effort into maintaining the friendships you have. As you get older, being able to turn to the friends you trust and love is a true comfort. To ensure these people will be in your life for many years, dedicate time to hanging out whenever possible. 

Connecting with friends is a wonderful way to tend to your own needs. Such hangouts are a perfect way for you to catch up on old times, vent about personal issues, and enjoy some deep laughs. While you might not be able to see each other as much as you’d like, you can still commit to calls and texts as a way of keeping your friendships alive. 

Explore Your Interests

Hobbies are very important to a person’s feelings of satisfaction in life. Some people gravitate to hobbies more than others. If you find that you have nothing to occupy your free time, you might dedicate all of your availability to tending to the needs of others. Discovering a hobby that interests you is a wonderful way to connect with yourself and learn more about what you find intriguing. Explore a variety of options to see what speaks to you. Whether you play intramural sports, collect comic books, or paint watercolors, you can easily find a hobby to satisfy your interests. 

Understand Yourself Better

The more you do for others, the easier it is to lose yourself in the shuffle. When you connect with yourself, it will help you remember your own needs and desires.  This, in turn, actually helps to strengthen your relationships. The old adage of “you can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself” is somewhat true in this case. The more you learn about yourself, the easier it is to love yourself. When you love yourself, you’ll find expressing love for other people comes much more naturally. 

Though it can sometimes feel like focusing on yourself is a selfish move in a relationship, it is absolutely necessary for your sense of wellness. Explore your options and learn how to best connect with yourself.

15 Self-Care Tips for Any Time of Year

Healthy self-care lifestyle concept with diet and fitness.

Effective self-care requires a healthy balance of taking care of your mind as well as your body.

Life gets hectic sometimes, and if you’re like most people, you just keep going along with the flow. You probably forgot to take care of yourself amid the holiday parties or following after-school activities, work, and family obligations. It doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of winter or end of summer. These self-care tips will help you keep a positive outlook when life gets to be too much.

Bodily Self-Care Tips

  1. Take long, deep breaths from the diaphragm to slow your heart rate.
  2. Eat healthy. There’s more than one reason to eat more vegetables, fruits and grains. It’s not just about staying healthy, it’s about having more energy and feeling better. But don’t forget to splurge on your favorites. Moderation is the name of the game.
  3. Cherish your rituals. Create special moments for the holidays, but also make daily rituals that add meaning to your life. Make the bed with your spouse every morning to remember to start the day together. Have time together with your family every night at a regular time to focus on each other. Ground your day with the ones who matter to you.
  4. Cherish your friends and make time for them. Have a night out when life gets tough and you need someone to chat with. Better yet, order in and have a night at home talking to your BFF.
  5. Make time for regular exercise. Sitting around on your couch isn’t only bad for your mental game, it’s not healthy physically. Find some kind of physical activity that you enjoy. Try out different sports until you find one that fits into your lifestyle.
  6. Watch less TV. Television robs you of your time, your goals and your motivation. Rein in the binge watching to get off the couch and do something else.

Mental Self-Care Tips

  1. Put the electronics down every day. Recharge your phone and your mind by giving yourself a break from being readily available and on call. Research shows that people sleep better when they don’t look at the backlit screens before bed.
  2. Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Don’t fight your anger or sadness. It’s said that “what you resist, persists.” Get it out of your system and move on to more positive feelings.
  3. Read more. Non-fiction expands your mind, while fiction expands your imagination. Take some time to enjoy a good book.
  4. Take time off social media. If you’re on Facebook and Twitter all day for work and then come home and spend time looking at the best aspects of your friends’ lives, you’ll probably start comparing yourself to others, which doesn’t help with self-care.
  5. Stay away from negative people. Surround yourself with people who will help you stay positive and motivated.
  6. Don’t be that negative person in others’ lives. Everyone has bad days, but don’t be the one who talks badly about everyone else.
  7. Forgive yourself. You have to give up the anger you have toward yourself for the mistakes you make. If guilt doesn’t encourage you to change, then it isn’t good guilt.
  8. Forgive others, or at the very least make a choice to stop carrying the anger around. Deal with what’s bothering you and keeping you from moving forward. It’s not easy to let those things go, but the negative feelings you hold inside are not hurting anyone but you.
  9. Learn to say no. Don’t feel as if you always have to say yes. Set boundaries and limits for yourself.

Self-care isn’t always easy, but it’s vital to your well-being. You aren’t going to have all the answers, nor do you need to. You just need to enjoy the journey of life, wherever it takes you.