Anxiety

Pre-Wedding Jitters or Serious Reservations? How To Tell the Two Apart
It is quite common to get the pre-wedding jitters, but more significant anxiety and second-thoughts might be a sign of serious reservations.

It is quite common to get the pre-wedding jitters, but more significant anxiety and second-thoughts might be a sign of serious reservations.

Getting married is a major event, and not only because you have wedding planning on your plate. You’re tying your life to that of another individual. Forging such a partnership involves sorting through many significant issues. You could feel nervous or even anxious in the pre-wedding weeks or months, but are these feelings problematic? To help yourself make sense of them, it’s important to keep a few things in mind.

Is Pre-Wedding Anxiety Normal?

Perform an internet search for “pre-wedding jitters,” and you’ll likely encounter dozens of opinions on what is or isn’t normal. Some insist that they’re warning signs, while others propose that they’re commonplace and natural. According to several experts, the truth may lie somewhere in the middle. The key is figuring out the difference between normal nerves and serious misgivings.

Martha Stewart Weddings contributor Jenn Sinrich explains the usual characteristics of pre-wedding jitters. You’re not only going to be the center of attention for several hours, but you must also contend with wedding-day expenses and family dynamics. Pre-wedding nerves with excitement aren’t usually a cause for concern, and these can also include anxiety over whether you can pull off the event. They can manifest as irritability, difficulty sleeping, restlessness, trouble eating, and fussing over ceremony and reception details.

When It’s More Than Jitters

At the same time, nervousness with dread probably isn’t a good sign. If you want to jump ship and avoid marrying your partner, that could signal a serious issue. Both Sinrich and The Spruce’s Nina Callaway mention potential red flags to consider:

  • You don’t feel free to discuss your feelings with your partner.
  • Your future spouse has been physically, emotionally, mentally, or sexually abusive.
  • You and your partner have significantly different feelings about having children.
  • Either you or your future spouse has been unfaithful or deceitful.
  • Thoughts of your wedding fill you with trepidation for more than one month.
  • Many of your friends have expressed reservations about your future spouse.
  • You’re going through the motions of planning because you’re too embarrassed to call it off, fearful of hurting your partner, or worried about finances.

Finding Support and Solutions

Thankfully, none of these problems lack for potential resolutions. For pre-wedding nerves, New York therapist Linda Walter suggests useful ways to reduce stress. First, it’s important to take regular breaks away from planning. You can do this and reconnect with your partner through spending enjoyable quality time together. Also, discussing your worries with your partner allows you to disclose your feelings and practice collaboration and problem-solving. Meanwhile, your married friends can also offer recommendations and support. Don’t forget to maintain healthy eating and physical activity, and some relaxation techniques are useful for releasing inner anxieties and tension.

Depending on your specific concerns, you and your partner could opt to attend couples’ counseling. However, it may be time to evaluate your relationship, especially if there have been serious breaches of trust or you’re experiencing symptoms like panic attacks or crying. If you perceive that you’re in immediate danger, get help right away. The Department of Justice discusses recommendations and resources. HelpGuide provides specific tips for men, and 211 can connect you to essential services.

Your Well-Being Is Paramount

Before tying the knot, many people experience a case of the nerves. In addition to planning a large-scale event and dealing with loved ones in the process, they may feel overwhelmed and have concerns about how they’ll build new lives with their future spouses together. Yet some pre-wedding anxieties could indicate serious problems in the offing. Understanding the nature of your feelings and reaching out for appropriate support are both keys to making smart decisions for the future.

 

Men Need Mental Health Wellness Too
Sad man sitting head in hands on his bed experiencing issues with his mental health.

Depression affects people in very different ways. Some experience sadness and emptiness, while others experience recklessness and anger.

In Darryl “DMC” McDaniels’ new book, “Ten Ways Not to Commit Suicide,” he discusses his history with mental health Issues, Depression, and addiction. He’s not alone in dealing with mental health issues. Jim Carrey has talked about his struggles with depression and addiction. Robin Williams ended his life in 2014, ostensibly due to mental illness. Former NHL player Theo Fluery has made no secret about his history with sexual abuse and mental health struggles. He said, “Reached out for help and my healing began.” Men are not immune from mental health diseases, but many men believe that seeking help is a sign of weakness. 

We all have bouts of sadness and times when we may not feel completely normal, which are all part of life’s normal ebbs and flows. Then, there are other times when you might struggle with mental health problems that can lead to serious consequences. Men, women and children can all experience mental illness, but symptoms can manifest themselves differently. When you can’t work, sleep, eat or have fun because of thoughts that are affecting your day-to-day life, don’t try and diagnose the problems on your own. A mental health professional is the only one who can truly determine if you’re suffering from depression, anxiety or another mental health issue. There’s no shame in getting help for a medical condition.

Symptoms of Depression

Most people associate a prolonged sadness or lack of interest in normal activities with depression, but there are many other symptoms that can manifest if you are depressed. You may be fatigued or have a loss of energy. Some people experience guilt and worthlessness or have problems concentrating. There might be a change in appetite or in your weight. Unfortunately, these symptoms could be from any number of health problems, not just mental health issues. To make things even more complicated, men may exhibit other symptoms that are not typically associated with depression. Some men feel physical pain or become angry. Researchers have even found that men who are depressed exhibit reckless behavior.

Depression is different for each person. Even within one individual, symptoms can vary in intensity over the course of the illness. Recognizing that there is a problem is the first step in treating the disease. There are many treatment options available. What works for one person may not be effective for another. Talk therapy is often very effective in stopping the progression of depression, but many people may need more intensive therapies or medication to find relief from the symptoms. Unlike an infection that goes away after a round of antibiotics, depression isn’t cured so easily. But it is treatable.

Help Is Available

The Canadian Mental Health Association has many resources if you’re dealing with mental illness in your family. Whether it’s you or a loved one, there are places where you can get help. Toronto is gearing up for a mental health conference in September, to discuss mental illnesses and addiction and how it affects all of us. The conference will feature more than 150 mental health experts from across the country who are coming together to create dialogue about changes in mental health. It is open to the public, but registration is required.

Advocates believe that speaking out about mental health issues is the only way to change public perception. Men have been taught to “suck it up” and just keep going on when things get tough, but depression isn’t going to go away by ignoring it. There is a stigma surrounding mental illness in our country. The only way to change that is to speak up and step out of the shadows. Men, especially, have to speak up and seek help.

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